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Why You’re Not Getting The Women You Really Want

October 26, 2008

You’re in a supermarket, on a bus, or in a restaurant. You see a girl who is just so perfect – the exact look you like, the body you dream about, and glowing a sort of irresistible feminine energy that could melt cheese from across the room.

And what did you do?

That’s easy. You did what you do every time: nothing.

Not a damn thing.

She paid for her coffee and walked out. And you’ll never see her again.

It’s happened to all of us. But you shouldn’t feel bad about it. No, you should feel terrible. Awful. Horrible. Downright pissed this is the reality you’re living in.

Why?

Because getting angry at a sucky reality the first step to stopping this pattern and changing your life forever. In fact, getting all riled up is the #1 hidden driver of a lot of those “rags to riches” success stories you hear all the time.

Listen: Life is short. Youth is even shorter. And you better forget about some mystical being or unseen hand of fate guiding you to your perfect soul mate because it ain’t happenin’. Even if it did, is she really the best girl just because she was so easy to meet? I mean, if you ran a company would you hire the first person to breeze through the door and talk up a good game?

What I’m going to tell you will be the first step – the crucial first key – to a life a thousand times happier, with no pressure, comfortable in almost any situation.

Nah, this is even bigger than that.

I’m talking about feeling settled with yourself the way a bar of gold is solid. I’m talking about the ability to command a room, your problems meeting women half-solving themselves before you even consider them. I’m talking about nothing less than a life free of limitations that’ve held you hostage, hog-tied your thinking for all these years, forcing you to settle for everything less than what you REALLY want.

And this transformation all begins as quickly, as easily, as a few little tricks…

…because, for most guys… the problem’s all in your head.

This is important: Your “frame” in life – your mental concept of who you are and how the world works – your assumptions – your idea of what’s “normal” in your life versus what’s uncommon or “weird” – is the basis for EVERYTHING you will ever do, feel, or experience.

Your frame determines how easily you move through life, how much money you draw in, and yes… especially what kind of women you attract, and how many.

Guys who are successful in business & with money, and guys who attract the best women strain and stress themselves out over their success no more than you do when ordering lunch. Now that DOESN’T mean they didn’t work hard to get where they are. That’s not what I mean. Performing the actions to make something happen and struggling with weird shit in your mind are two completely different things. What I mean is these guys are CONFIDENT in their success; ASSUME that it will happen (the possibility of it not happening doesn’t even enter the mind) and are rather surprised when gates of opportunity DON’T seem to automatically open for them.

Nothing is ever “weird” as in “Wow, this is so weird, I can’t believe this hot girl is so into me!” …Instead, the successful man thinks, “Of course she’s into me. This happens all the time. I’m a real catch. Of course she’s laughing. I’m fun to be around. I think I like her too, but I want to wait awhile and see for sure.”

Successful men in a particular area of life often have a strong frame in that area.

Unsuccessful men have weak frames.

It’s possible to have a strong frame when it comes to business, but instantly turn pansy when it comes to women. That’s OK – but you first need to realize it and acknowledge it.

They key to changing this is first realizing what a strong frame sounds like, then think about all the areas of your life where this is NOT the case, but you would like to change.

7 Examples of What It Means To Have A Strong Frame

#1. I’ve already given you this one above, with the thinking of “Of course she’s into me. This happens all the time. I’m a real catch. Of course she’s laughing. I’m fun to be around. I think I like her too, but I want to wait awhile and see for sure.”

This frame assumes you are a man of confidence who doesn’t jump the gun. Just because she’s good looking doesn’t automatically score her a ton of points with you. You’re a man who bides his time, waiting to discover her true value, if any. You don’t know yet. Beauty is common to you; it’s in your life everywhere you go. What’s rare is a woman with a passion for life that compliments your desires and beliefs. And when you do discover these traits in a woman, you let her know it because you are a man of integrity; you’re the same man on the outside as you are on the inside.

#2. One time I was at the post office, and took special notice of one of the employees. This guy was impeccably groomed and as stylishly dressed as a man can be in a U.S.P.S. uniform. He wore latex surgical gloves while handling the mail and serving the customers. He was uncommonly polite but in a firm, forceful way… like when he spoke, there was no doubt in his mind, no backtracking, no apologies as to what was coming out. He stood there, physically, on the most solid ground and looked you right in the eye.

And then, across the room, a fellow postal employee reached his hand into a bag and pulled out some kind of snack. Tasting it, he exclaimed, “Wow, these things you gave me are really good!”

The gentleman’s replied without even looking at him, “I don’t eat anything that’s not.”

Don’t you see?

His mindset: “Of course they’re good. I don’t eat anything that isn’t good. If I give you something to try, it’s going to be good. Why? Because it’s coming from me. The notion that this is somehow strange to you, a foreign concept, is barely worth my time.”

That’s a strong frame.

#3. Some people say things like “Life is unfair.” They whine and complain, accepting their lot in life because of this perceived unfairness. I mean, why even try? Life is unfair and will just beat you back down anyways.

This is a weak frame. Here’s how to spin it into a strong frame:

“Yes, life is unfair… but you know what? That’s the best news I’ve heard all day. Because if life was fair, I’d never be able to have this awesome house I want, a totally hot girlfriend, and extra cash to blow. If life was ‘fair’, we’d all be down at the bread and soup lines for 2 hours every day for handouts. If life was ‘fair’, the lazy could have all the stuff I had to work my butt off for, and there would be no incentive. Life is unfair, and I couldn’t be happier.”

#4. Recently I was at a gas station paying for my gas when I overheard a well-dressed black man (many of whom have very strong frames and are good to be friends with, by the way) say to this lady, “I don’t have a girlfriend. I have a woman.”

Because in his mind, there’s a difference. And he knows it when he sees it. He’s sure of himself and his decisions. Girls are a waste of time. But a real woman is really something.

#5. In clubs or any sizable social gathering, there’s a good line to use that demonstrates strong frame and value. And it’s this: When you’re talking to a girl you like and want to eliminate all her other options from her mind, simply say “C’mon, I’ll introduce you to any guy in here, and I promise you he’ll not be nearly as interesting as me and my friends right here.”

She’ll most likely decline, and at that point you have her undivided attention.

And if she doesn’t? Well, aren’t you really the most interesting?

Strong frame.

#6. Having a big complex story to tell your buddies about how you got this one awesome girl is weak frame material. Because if you truly had a strong frame, your success would be assumed. In fact, you’re not even really sure HOW you did it. The guys ask, “How did you get her?” You’re just like “Well, I don’t know, I just kinda went over there and…???” In other words, if this really was YOUR reality and this sort of thing happened all the time, there would be no story to tell.

#7. The general idea of strong frames is “This is MY reality. You are a guest. I am in control. Things don’t happen TO me, I MAKE things happen. I am a CAUSE in the world, not an effect. Success just happens. It’s easy.”

Weak frames are rooted in your own beliefs about yourself…

For example, some guys think they’ve got to sacrifice everything to get the best women. The most shocking and surprising thing is – what creates loyalty and respect is actually the exact opposite of sacrificing.

Quality women look first to see if they can make their man stronger – amazing women are loyal to men whose lives they contribute to, to men who they can make stronger, and to men who share their strength with them without any appearance of effort or sacrifice at all.

Quality women want a guy they can make a lot better, especially if she’s going to stick with him for the long run. Great women want a man who is stronger through being with her, not weaker. They certainly don’t want a man who sacrifices everything, does things he doesn’t like to do, and gives everything he has to her even at his own expense. It just doesn’t make sense to them.

The more you allow your woman to contribute to improving your life, the more loyal she will become and the more she will like and respect you.

That “allow” part is key. Quality women love to do great things to make their man stronger and contribute to his life. Great women want to do these amazing things for you so that you can grow with her. Most men can’t accept this and simply reject or refuse contribution – huge mistake.

It’s important to start by simply allowing her to do great things for you. Try and notice in just a week, how many times your girl will offer to help make your life better. Every time you refuse her offers, you in fact reject her. It hurts her badly, and slowly with time, she might give up trying to make you stronger altogether. Relationships, and people in general cannot grow like this. It’s a shame.

So why the hell do guys do this?

Well, let’s go back to another little story.

Here, imagine yourself in this situation:

You’re at a crosswalk in the city, waiting for the light to turn green. A beautiful woman approaches, joining beside you. As the two of you wait to cross the street, you feel that familiar anxiety welling up inside.

You want to talk to this woman. You want to say something, anything that’ll make her smile, feel comfortable, and notice you for who you really are. You want to attract her.

Instead, you nervously look straight ahead. Moments pass. The light changes. She walks. You blew your one and only chance.

Why didn’t you say anything?

Now imagine the exact same crosswalk scenario again. You. The Woman. The Light.

Waiting.

Out of the corner of your eye, you see a car, a maniac out of control, careening toward the beautiful creature standing beside you. It’s all happening so fast. You’re the only one who notices.

Ask yourself: Would you shove the beautiful woman out of the way to save her life, or would you just stand there, and do nothing???

Most men, even the weakest frames among us, would save the girl if they could.

Now ask yourself: Why would you shy away from uttering so much as a word in scenario #1… but you would interrupt her life without a second thought, knocking her to the ground to save her from a madman?

…because in saving her, your mind understands how you’re adding value to her life, so you do it without hesitation… but when you simply want to talk to her, you freeze and lock up, because you don’t feel like her life will be better afterward as a result. You feel you have no value to add. You have serious doubts crippling you from success before you even try. She is the prize, and who are you? Just some schlub.

See, the problem is – you don’t feel like you’re valuable enough to enhance her life. You don’t feel like you “deserve” this woman.

A lot of men feel they’re not good enough, so they compensate by showing her they’ll sacrifice everything. They won’t allow her to contribute – instead, they establish the frame of “the guy has to do everything, pay for everything, work hard… sacrifice.”

Great men (men with strong frames) know they deserve a lot of great things from the world, especially from their partner, so they come to expect a lot out of the people around them.

A great man expects his woman to contribute to his life. In return, he becomes even stronger for her, and helps her grow stronger alongside him. Two people growing together, enhancing one another’s lives. What could be more wonderful?

Most high quality women realize the best men will expect a lot from them, whereas guys who don’t feel worthy will sacrifice their livelihood, voluntarily castrating themselves from their true desires.

This partially explains why a lot of really beautiful, intelligent women cut and run when a guy starts sacrificing too much.

Remember: Great women want to contribute to a quality man’s life, not have a guy who becomes a martyr, carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders trying to impress her. When you get her contributing to your life and doing great things to make YOU better, and you share your strength with her, making HER better – that’s what creates real loyalty.

By simply allowing your woman to do her thing and help you grow day by day, you are on the right track. By demanding the best out of her and the people around you, you will start to realize your true potential as a high quality man.

Those mental “tricks” I mentioned at the beginning are real, but this is only the beginning of a long journey. In the near future I’ll show you some ways to begin to DEVELOP a strong frame like the ones I’ve been talking about here.

Until then, hopefully this opened up your mind and got you thinking about your life. If you don’t like what you see, now’s the time to do something about it.

If not now, when? And if not you, who?


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Tags: assumptions, bad basis, basis, being a man, clean basis, confidence, developing a strong frame, fear, frame, limiting beliefs, power, presence, quality men, quality women, rejection, relationships, sacrifice, the secret, value, women, worth

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