“OF COURSE it’s not!” they’ll protest, “Just look at ____” and then they’ll rattle off whatever their favorite Utopias are they’ve read about recently. “We’ve GOT to do something about this,” they’ll add and proceed to explain how if people weren’t so damn “greedy”, we’d be able to pull through this “together” etc etc.

To add insult to injury, a group called Mercer just published their 2011 Quality of Living Survey results, showing the absolute best (and worst) places to live in the world.

But you would have to go all the way down to #29 to find your first U.S. city, which is Honolulu, Hawaii. Even our beloved New York, the great American powerhouse, ranks a pathetic #47.

Most other websites looking at this report would start going into all the statistics, economics and political differences that make for a great place to live.

I’m not going to do that.

Instead, there is a much more simple way to gauge whether the United States is still for you, or whether you should consider taking your business to greener pastures – like some of my wealthier friends have started to do.

When you ask, “Greg, is the U.S. still the best?” Here is my honest answer:

I’m still here. We got a ton of problems but nothing that can’t be fixed, eventually. Problem is, I don’t want to be the freest, happiest 90 year old, I want it now We all need it now, because we have to consider our life span. What’s most important in a country is how well you think you can achieve the things you value. We still live in a place where I think its possible for me, but that may change. The moment it changes and you no longer think you can get what you want, it’s time to go somewhere else.

Changing human nature ain’t gonna happen. And changing society takes more time than most of us have got. But you CAN change your personal circumstances if they don’t suit you, by voting with your feet to a place that allows you to be a happier more fulfilled person.

Email this post

This sort of thing eventually led you to roll your eyes and zone out anytime someone started talking about things like “government”, “freedom” and all that stuff.

Don’t. Not this time.

You see, I used to be just like that. I used to not care about ideas of government, took any notion of freedom for granted and hated the very idea of politics and wanted to avoid it at all costs. That stuff was for “other people” to complain and bicker about while I just tried to get on with living life and having fun.

All of this began to change when I seriously got into business for myself and started to make my own money. And all of it permanently changed when I began to see with my own eyes how powerful these ideas are – how the right ideas can uplift you to the highest pleasures of your existence – or the wrong ones can utterly destroy your soul and will to live.

And even worse – there are people out there right now at this very moment, hard at work dedicating their time to ensure your soul is crushed and your will to live is numbed so you just don’t care anymore.

That, my reader, is evil.

I’ll do whatever I can to stop it. Not for your sake, but for mine. Because it makes me feel alive and happy to live surrounded by other other people who also feel alive and happy.

The whole thing starts with ONE IDEA: knowing (and understanding!) your rights.

FIRST AND FOREMOST… you have a right to your own life. Sounds simple at first but this means a whole lot of different things. The right to your own life is the only fundamental right – and all other rights are based on this one.

It means you have the right to do everything in your power to PRESERVE and ENJOY your life to the fullest extent. I’m sure you’ve heard many young women (and some guys too) say they want to “live life to the fullest” – it’s obvious people adore and want this idea in their lives…

…but how to do it? I mean, how do we ACTUALLY live our life to the fullest? By what means?

One answer (and this may sound strange at first, but listen carefully) : The right to Property.

Without property rights, none of your other rights are possible. We live in a world where each of us has to sustain our lives by our own effort. And if you do not have a right to the RESULTS of your own effort, then you have no means to sustain your life. A good example of this is owning your work. If you create something and do not own it, and someone else benefits from it, you are a slave. It’s also like if a skilled contractor came over to my house and installed a bathtub, and if I denied him ownership of his work and did not pay or reward him, he is a slave.

But don’t make this mistake: the right to property does NOT mean you have a right to a particular piece of property or some object. It is not a guarantee you will earn anything, but only a guarantee you will own it IF you earn it. This is the right to gain, keep, and dispose of material values.

The right to life also means you have the right to support yourself by your own work, AND MAKE AS MUCH OR AS LITTLE MONEY AS YOUR SKILL  AND ABILITY WILL ALLOW. It does not mean other people will provide you with the necessities of life, but that no one can take away your ability to provide for yourself. You also can not be deprived of your life for the benefit of anyone else.

You have the right to liberty. Really, what does “freedom” actually mean? Freedom from what, exactly?

It’s simple. It is freedom from ANY kind of force. Freedom from any kind of rape. Freedom from being forced to do anything you did not AGREE to.

It does NOT mean freedom from your landlord, freedom from your employer, or freedom from laws of nature which do not provide us with automatic prosperity. It simply means freedom from being forced to do something at the threat of a gun or being thrown in jail.

Your knowledge, your ability to think and act on your thoughts do not happen automatically. You must CHOOSE to do these things and choose to do them well. And your survival as a human being absolutely DEMANDS that you are free to gain knowledge, think and act without interference from anyone else.

None of us are perfect. We make mistakes. That is why we must be free to agree or disagree with each other, to cooperate or pursue our own individual plans, all according to our own individual judgment.

If someone pointed a gun in your face and screamed “BUILD ME A HOUSE!! And I want it to be the most CREATIVE, AMAZING house EVER built or else I’ll BLOW YOUR BRAINS OUT!!”

This is impossible. Even if you’re a very skilled home builder, it would be impossible to do this. Your mind, a rational mind, does not work under force; it does not subordinate its grasp of reality to anyone’s orders, directives, or controls; it does not sacrifice its knowledge, its view of the truth, to anyone’s opinions, threats, wishes, plans, or “welfare.” Your mind may be hampered by others, it may be silenced, proscribed, imprisoned, or destroyed; BUT IT CANNOT BE FORCED; A GUN IS NOT AN ARGUMENT!!

ALL of our knowledge and achievements we have today – ALL of the things that allow us to live here in the United States and around the world better than kings did long ago (yes even the poor here in the U.S. can enjoy more luxury than the king of France did hundreds of years ago) – ALL of it has come from the dedicated work and integrity of FREE MINDS.

America’s abundance was not created by public sacrifices to “the common good,” but by the productive genius of free men who pursued their own personal interests and the making of their own private fortunes.

And this is so important because we owe our very survival to great minds… and our future survival DEPENDS on how free we allow great minds to roam and play right now. This isn’t dusty old history in some boring school textbook. This is HERE and NOW. Everything depends on our freedom.

Now don’t fall for this trick, either: some people will try to fool you and say that we are not “truly” free because we have no right to murder. They go on to say that since we can not kill, freedom is not determined by right, but by whatever society says we are free to do.

But this is silly and ridiculous. It is not society that forbids killing, but the other person’s right to their own life. So goes the saying “you are free to do anything you want as long as it doesn’t infringe on the rights of someone else.” Within your own rights, your freedom is absolute.

You have the right to the pursuit of happiness. This is SO IMPORTANT – the pursuit of happiness means your right to LIVE FOR YOURSELF and choose what private, personal, individual happiness means to you… And then have the freedom toward achieving it. Different things make different people happy. There is no one-size-fits-all life and our Founding Fathers knew it. We are all happiest and most creatively productive when we are let loose to run free with our minds and abilities.

This is no guarantee you will achieve happiness. No one can guarantee you that. But you can be allowed the freedom to decide what happiness means to you and go after it with all your might. If you’re wrong, you can change and go do something else. If you’re right, the world will be your oyster.

Where do your rights come from?

It’s not a law, or president, or king or society that gives us our rights. Rights don’t come from anywhere, they just ARE. You and I are human beings and our rights are required by conditions of our existence for our survival on this planet. If we are to live here, together, it is right for you to be free to use your mind, to act on your own free judgment, and to work for your values and keep the product of your work.

If living a happy life on this planet is your goal, then you have a right to live in this way. And any group, gang or government who tires to take these rights away from you is wrong. They are wrong and they are evil. They are against you living your life and must be stopped at all costs.

Email this post

“…And remember, please drive home safely. We want you to be our customer for a long time, so we do care about your safety,” she ended suddenly chipper,“Thank you!”

At first blush the recorded fembot’s words would fly over my head, barely noticed among a sea of commercial background noise. But this time, for whatever reason, I paid attention… and could scarcely believe what I’d just heard.

She might as well have said:

“…And remember, get back to work soon. We want to suck as much value out of your pathetic average lifespan of 78 years as possible. That’s our logical justification for your safety. Thank you!”

A month ago, I turned 27 years old… am I really getting this cynical already? Geezus, what would I be like as an old man? Or am I finally waking up to some sort of Matrix-like Truth?

Or maybe… I just think too damn much.

Whatever the case, my sleepwalk was disturbed and what I discovered gnawed on my mind. As a marketer, if I’m trained to keep an eagle eye on these hidden forces that direct our thoughts every day and many still fly right over my head… what must it be like for the average person to whom these messages are aimed?

Damn.

Subtle influences are all around us. In the next couple posts, I’ll share some of the most useful and interesting I’ve discovered during the past few months.

#1. Sacrificial Lamb Offers

This is where a marketer creates one offer solely for the purpose of selling another, which is the REAL offer they wanted to sell in the first place.

Take this example: You want to renew your subscription to The Economist (or in my case maybe Penthouse would be more appropriate.)

They give you 3 options:

- Economist.com subscription – $59.00
- Print-only subscription – $125.00
- Print & web subscription – $125.00

And no, that’s not a typo… those last two really are the same price. That’s the whole point.

The presentation above was split-tested with this one:

- Economist.com subscription – $59.00
- Print & web subscription – $125.00

Makes more sense doesn’t it? Logically, yes. But if your goal is to make money and bring in more subscriptions, it’s a failure.

Here’s what happened on a test of 100 smart MIT students when presented with offer #1:

- Economist.com subscription – $59.00 – 16 subscriptions
- Print-only subscription – $125.00 – 0 subscriptions
- Print & web subscription – $125.00 – 84 subscriptions

Total money made: $11,444

On offer #2:

- Economist.com subscription – $59.00 – 68 subscriptions
- Print & web subscription – $125.00 – 32 subscriptions

Total money made: $8,012

A huge increase in profitability just by throwing in a “sacrificial lamb” that nobody wanted.

More tests were done with women rating mens attractiveness. I’ll spare you the gory details but the end result was women were FAR more likely to choose a man who was the “better” version of someone who looked a lot like him, while often ignoring the great looking guy who was completely different.

The basis here is the brain is a big comparison machine… and it’ll take an easy choice over a hard one any day. Comparing 2 things that are similar is easy. Throwing in a rogue 3rd complicates things so the mind prefers to ignore or discount it.

So if you’re a real estate agent and need to sell a particuar house, find another just like it (but worse) and a 3rd house that’s wildly different. Show all 3 to the buyer on the same day. To avoid springs and sprockets flying out of their head, they’ll want to ignore the “different” house and focus on the 2 similar ones. Since the one you want to sell is the best, they’ll have to fight off some powerful mental forces to abandon it. The day is yours!

The same principle is what causes people to drive all the way across town to save a few bucks on gas, but think nothing of shelling out an extra $3,000 for heated seats in a car. The cost is all relative to it’s immediate comparison.

#2. Anchors

Stuff is only worth what we think it’s worth. So when introducing something new to a group of people (or a marketplace) the best way to establish its value is to present it alongside other similar things that already have a perceived value in the mind of your audience.

That’s what Jean-Claude Brouillet did with Tahitian black pearls:

To me they look like polished musket balls. Ugly. I’d grimace a bit if my girl wore ‘em. But the New York elite cared a lot when Brouillet displayed them in a Saks Fifth Avenue alongside diamonds, rubies, and emeralds.

The valued gemstones provided a basis of comparison (an anchor) and made the crazy price tag on the black pearl add to the high end mystique. Everybody “had” to have them.

People anchor themselves to existing price tags. This is also how you get markets to grossly overpay for a bottle of wine, coffee, clothes, or break out of a long-established price mold for a commodity.

Starbucks did precisely this when they were first starting out. Instead of “small, medium, large” they offered “short, tall, grande, and venti”…instead of “black or with cream” they had Caffe Americano, Caffe Misto, Macchiato, and Frappuccino. You can’t easily compare it to Dunkin Donuts.

And I’m addicted to Ralph Lauren clothes due in part to their use of anchors:

Ralph Lauren’s masculine yachting idealism

If she asked me to murder for her undying love, I’d be tempted to consider it

And finally…

www.youtube.com/watch?v=iV_ixqCTnQ4

The ultimate idealization of wealthy youthful elitism, adventure, and sense of belonging – the girl at 15 seconds makes me melt and the guy at 50 seconds cracks me up

www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ip5_hl4kAAY

Some more world-class anchoring for youthful fun and adventure

Traditional economic theory says we eat Big Macs, smoke, take vacations, listen to music, marry, have kids, vote, etc according to our likes and dislikes.

But traditional economic theory is bullshit.

Mostly we make buying decisions based on 2 things:

1. How much pleasure it gives us privately, and…
2. How it makes us look to others based on how we want to be perceived.

That’s really it. We establish our identity and then set out to discover the brands and products that best display it. Or if we have no identity, we look for a basis for one in the realm of stuff out there that already exists.

#3. The Explosive Power of the Lowly Penny

Consider two bowls of chocolate – one of truffles and one of Hershey’s Kisses.

We offer the truffles to passersby for 15 cents and the kisses for 1 cent. Each customer can only choose ONE. The truffle is obviously much higher quality and the price isn’t too much higher when compared with the kiss so 73% take the truffle and 27% take the kiss.

The same is true for whenever we charge 2 cents for the kiss and 16 cents for the truffle, keeping the margin of difference even.

Now we lower the price of each by 1 penny.

We offer the truffles for 14 cents and the kisses for 0 cents – free. Now 69% take the kiss and only 31% go for the truffle.

Traditional economic theory (again, bullshit) says that since the price difference stays the same, then the consumer will evaluate the decision the same. But this simply isn’t true.

Amazon.com discovered this when they started offering free shipping if you spent a certain amount of money. Buy more than you planned and save $4 bucks. Sales went up across the board… except France, where the French division was charging 1 franc for shipping instead of “free.” They wiped out the charge and sales boosted in proportion to the other countries.

Same goes for museums. On free entrance day, the place is packed. Charge a few bucks and the crowd thins out by 90%

So what’s really going on here? Why would someone take the “free” offer for something they don’t really want as much over a lower price on something they actually DO want?

Ah, welcome to one of my favorite subjects in the whole world… segmentation. Come inside, make yourself comfortable, and let’s chat for awhile.

Money is a way of demonstrating commitment. When you purchase something for real dollars that you got through selling your time at a job or providing value through a business, you’ve performed an action that separates you from millions of people on this planet… even if it’s something as small as buying a Hershey’s Kiss for a penny.

When I offer you the truffle for money and the kiss for money, you’re likely to choose the one that you prefer… hell, you’ll have to spend the money to get something anyway, so why not snatch the bargain on the expensive truffle?

But something magical happens when the Kiss is free. Now all commitment is released and it becomes a decision of “give up something” or “give up nothing.” The people who weren’t really serious about the chocolate will take the kiss, and the people who truly love their chocolate will still buy the truffle.

And if you’re the marketer of truffles, it is that smaller 31% (who are still willing to shell out money and spit in the face of “free”) from where your biggest profits will ultimately come.

Hark unto me: That lowly cent, almost flee-like with insignificance, acts as a giant knife hurling out of the sky – slicing the butter of society into 2 groups:

- the people who will DO, and…
- the people who will NOT do

That’s all it takes… a $1 trial or a simple penny to prove a customer’s commitment and therefore ongoing highest profitability. To separate the players from the wannabes. To divide the buyers from the non-buyers. To glimpse inside the minds of a mass of people.

I’ll talk more about this concept in future posts because with the right segmentation – one can conquer any world he wishes.

Email this post

This was not because I love automobiles or get some kind of visceral thrill from rumbling engines and screaming tailpipes.

No I was here because not 3 days earlier, the state of Missouri deemed my “motor vehicle” a rolling death trap – ready, willing and able to gas its unsuspecting passengers Auschwitz-style.

But I wasn’t worried about that. Nagging on my mind was license plate renewal. Since the deadline was in mere days, this left me with 2 options:

1. Fork over a suitcase of unmarked $2,500 to some inner-city extortion ring (more commonly known as Midas or Firestone) for a new Infiniti exhaust system overhaul.

OR…

2. Journey 76 miles to hack my way through dense country forest and down a lonely dirt road leading straight to a man named Joe Todd.

You see, most people don’t have a “Joe Todd” at their disposal. When roadside disaster strikes, they’re forced to cough up serious dough to some chain-store lackey who could give a damn.

Not I.

Because thanks to my uncle’s vast network of crack-shot auto technicians, I’m able to get blackbelt service at a 97% discount. The only catch is you have to climb the mountain to meet the master.

Hence, Joe Todd. You don’t have to know what he looks like; when he enters the room, there’s not a doubt in your mind the mustached man standing before you could be none other. Everyone else who visits his shop certainly knows it. Just ask the Missouri state government.

On this particular occasion, my muffler work wasn’t the only business going down at Joe’s shop. As welding sparks danced on the scalding concrete of a sweltering summer afternoon, a Missouri Highway Patrol squad car kicked up a cloud of dust as it parked outside.

The hulking trooper stepped out of his car wearing big black aviator sunglasses. The way he strode into Joe’s shop left no question somebody was about to be in a deep heap of shit.

Joe isn’t just in the machine shop business. He’s also licensed by the state to do vehicle safety inspections. And when you’re licensed by the state to do anything, that means you’ve got greasy bureaucratic hands feeling you up whenever they can.

The cop wanted to see Joe’s inspection records. This was one of those state-sponsored random searches to make sure minions knew their place and barked when government goons tossed them a bone.

Of course, Joe kept immaculate records. No problem there. Just show him what he wants so you can get back to work.

And that’s precisely what Joe did.

Except as he walked back to my car to work some more muffler magic, the angry trooper’s voice rang out, grinding the whole place to a deafening silence.

“Just what in the hell is this?”

Like a called-out gunfighter, Joe stopped on a dime and slowly turned around.

“None of these pages in your log book are ripped out,” the officer continued, “Git yourself on over here and rip these pages out.” He flicked the book in Joe’s direction.

Coolly, calmly, Joe stepped up in front of the patrolman.

“If you want to stop in here and look at my books in the middle of the day while I’m with customers, you go rip those pages out yourself,” Joe said firmly with unflinching eyes.

The officer shot back, “I have a good mind to write you up. If you don’t get over there and rip those pages out I’m gonna pull your license.”

By this point the entire shop was enraptured, hanging on every word of the brewing battle.

For Joe it was just “one of those days” and that was all it took. He glanced down, calmly containing his rage, and jerked back up and into the eyes of the law man. He brushed past the trooper to go grab the record book, and with one fluid motion slammed it down with an echoed WHAP on the nearby bench. Then he tore off the Missouri state inspection certifications lining his wall and threw them onto the pile.

“You just go on and write me up. You take your stickers and your book, and get out of my shop,” Joe declared purposely narrowing the distance between him and the officer. He pointed outside toward the road, “Out there on the highway you’re the boss… but when you’re in here…” he gestured to himself, “this is MY shop.”

Machine shops are noisy places, but at that very moment you could’ve heard a lesser man swallow.

None of us in recent memory had scarcely witnessed such blatant balls spitting in the face of authority. Not since the younger days of America have we heard what it really looks like to be a Yankee. I’m not a fan of nationalism, but we’ve forgotten how to be Americans.

More importantly, many of us have forgotten how to be men… and what amazing things can happen when we are.

Right before our eyes, the officer’s ice began to melt. He’d locked horns with the wrong billy goat and this realization crept into his composure like a drop of blood in clear water.

“You don’t have to do that Joe,” he said, clearing his throat, “I can come back another time when you’re not so busy.”

And that was that. Joe later said that whenever they did come back, it was a different officer. And when Joe asked if they needed him to tear out those log book pages they said, “No that’s all right Joe, we’ll do it ourselves.”

Word spreads when the lamb bites the lion. You might not think tearing out a few pages for some random cop is a big deal. Just do it and get on with life. But what happens when favors become mandatory and authority cracks the government whip to serve their own agenda?

Even more, what happens when governments abuse the citizens they’re supposed to serve and protect?

It is my opinion this country is slowly slipping into some bastardized form of socialistic despotism. Just ask mega-millionaire Steve Forbes. But no matter what you believe, the current tide is less and less favorable to making money and getting ahead in life, which means opportunity in America is finally beginning to dry up after a century of economic orgy. Those of us with an eye to the future would be wise to start making some “bailout plans” of our own.

But this post isn’t about that. The point of all this is: if you had been in Joe’s shoes… what would you have done? Would you have let them trample over you… or would you have stared down the fearsome face of oppression, and won?

When some people get an IRS notice in the mail, their gut reaction is fear. For others, anger. What about you?

Unfortunately, I was brought up in a household of relatively weak people. My dad ran from responsibility whenever possible, and my grandparents were peaceful farm folk, leaving my mom as the only semblance of strength in an otherwise rickety structure. Almost everything I know today about power, strength, and raw determination I had to learn myself. There’s a part of me who resents that.

In the old days, the power elite controlled and manipulated people through the guise of religion. Popes were some of the most corrupt men history has ever known. Families like the Medici vyed for control and once they got it, The Church played puppet master to a host of loyal subjects.

Nowadays, religion has loosened its grip somewhat, but nature abhors a vacuum. These days, it is the media who have stepped in to fill the role.

If you pay close attention, much of our culture coming from the media these days all focuses around the same central theme:

“You are powerless. Stop, slow down. There’s no need to progress. World problems are too difficult for you to figure out on your own so listen to us. Trust the authorities because they’re our only hope.”

If you don’t believe me, then flip on some Fox News for about 2 hours. That’s all the time you’ll need to see it if you know what to watch for. Your personal stagnation is the name of the game and they know how high the stakes go.

Power structures have always lived secretly in fear of those whom they govern. In the old days, the power structure was obvious, in your face. You could see the troops marching and hear the guns blazing.

These days it’s a different story. Misguided forward thinkers claim we’re now past the age of brutality and onward toward enlightenment. Nothing could be further from the truth. Because nowadays storm trooper marches and outright war have been quietly replaced by an invisible prison.

Crazy? No. You’ve felt this invisible prison yourself, many times before.

It’s ensnares you every time you’re forced to take out a loan to buy a house – shelter – one of the most common fundamental needs of a human being. It poisons you in the chemical cocktail foods you eat. It cracks the whip and keeps you in line with all the glittering gadgets and fabricated social goals dangled before you like Swords of Damocles. And it robs you of your soul as a man every time you’re forced to run an ever faster treadmill just to keep pace with basic survival in modern society.

The power elite know this. In fact, they depend on it. For you are the Energizer Battery that feeds their plan of global domination.

Melodramatic? A little – but no less true.

So what can you do? What can we, as “ordinary citizens” do in the face of such overwhelming opposition?

It’s really quite simple.

Fear nothing.

Easy to say, sure. But is it hard to carry out? I say no.

Life’s a bitch and then you die. Get used to it. It isn’t going to change anytime soon.

Seriously, what is there to fear? Look at it this way. We’re insignificant little specks living on an insignificant little speck of a rock orbiting an insignificant star in a dark, cold universe that wouldn’t give 2 shakes of a shit stick if we all just up and disappeared.

Just like everything else that walks, breathes, grows, flies, crawls or swims, we are going to die. One day, this planet will die. After that, our sun will die – expanding into a red giant and burning off any trace of what remains of planet Earth. Then it will collapse into a small dim ball of its former self, leaving our solar system to freeze up in a cold death.

When I was a young boy, this kind of talk used to scare me… bad. I can remember crying because of it. Nowadays it doesn’t frighten me at all. In fact, I embrace it.

Why?

Armies and governments fear men and women who know they are going to die soon, and with good reason. Such people have nothing to lose. They will commit any atrocity and take as many others with them as they can, if they’re driven to it.

You must now become that doomed man or woman. I have. Because you and I are going to die. Nothing can alter that fact. It is immutable. Incomprehensible. Unfair. All of that.

But don’t you SEE? It sets you free.

What does anything matter if you’re going to die? Nothing. Nothing at all. Get that through your terrified mind and you will wake up early every morning ready to tear the throat out of the first problem that dares cross your path. Not because you need to. Not because you get a thrill out of it. Simply because you can, and nothing really matters.

You’ve got to make a pact with yourself right here and now. You cannot banish fear, but you can face it down, stomp on it, crush it, bury it, lock it up into the deepest recesses of your heart and soul and leave it there to rot.

Just try. Try for a single day – a whole day when you refuse to acknowledge fear of failure, fear of making yourself look like an idiot, fear of losing your lover, fear of losing your job, fear of your boss, fear of anything at all.

And when you do, fear will creep back. Slowly. At 3am in the morning. Laugh at it and tell it to take a hike. Smash it in the teeth. Spit on it. Curl your arms around it and snuggle up to it. Then slip a sharp blade into its miserable throat just as you’re French kissing it.

Go on. I double-dog-dare you. If you can do this one thing, it will transform your life. In my case, it was for the better. You’ll have to wrestle with your own inner demons. We all do.

All that is stopping you from what you really want in life is fear. It’s all a big head game designed to program you into modern day slavery. And all you have to do is make One. Simple. Decision.

So what’re you so afraid of, anyway? Get out there and live what little life you have and to hell with what the neighbors think. To hell with what society thinks. And to a blazing inferno with what the government and media tell you to think.

Email this post

When you live to please yourself, you attract the friends, money, power and love from only the sources that make YOU most happy. And in so doing, you gain the freedom to help whomever you wish, or… help no one at all.

Your choice. Because power is about having options – not needing any one particular thing.

If you’ve known me only in the last couple years, you don’t know “The Old Greg.” He was quite different. Even though he didn’t have the knowledge or resources I have today, he had this odd mental tic that automatically hotwired him for success.

This was a more profitable, better connected Greg – more resilient with money (bank account went to zero four times and popped right back up again) and got more girls in a year than most schlubs in ten (according to actual social statistics I have read.)

This was a Greg who got in, got the job done, got out – calm, cold, methodical, and statistical. A mercenary who always grabbed straight for the cash, owing loyalty to no one but himself and one or two close confidants.

And if you got in his way, you had better be prepared for a knife-fight to the death. Because the Old Greg, bloodied and beaten, would only stop coming at ya if you crushed him. Completely.

Lately I’ve felt waves of The Old Greg wash back over me. He’s been gone for over 3 years now. And I’ve missed him. It’s time he return once and for all.

You might be tempted to think all of this is hyperbole. That it’s all a bunch of word-play crafted to make a mundane subject like “success philosophy” sound more interesting.

Sure, you could think that. But you’d be wrong.

What I’m talking about here is a mindset for success few people in this world possess. There’s a reason I used the picture of the camouflaged man up there at the beginning. His name is “Shadow” and he’s a symbol that represents the top elite in any business industry or human endeavor.

That means if YOU’RE a scientist, Shadow is the Nobel Prize winning researcher who’s smarter than you, faster than you, and somehow always seems to know what you’re up to before you go public with your latest discovery.

If you’re an athlete, Shadow is that guy who makes all the last second winning plays, scoring more in a season than most players score their whole career.

He’s a damn spy, warrior, and intellectual all rolled into one.

And you know what really pisses you off about the guy? He’s actually likable. He never brags or gloats. He downplays his successes, and never gets excited. Your wife kinda has a thing for him and, damnit, if it wasn’t for the constant nagging reminder he’s so much better than you, you’d secretly kinda like to be his friend yourself.

What’s the hell is this guy’s secret?

He’s living The Way of the Shadow – which, if ya ask me, is every bit as important of a universal law as “The Secret.” Maybe the two are even related.

Where “The Secret” has us consuming our minds with and pursuing only our true desires, ignoring all else, The Way of the Shadow tells us how to ensure those successes not only happen, but become a way of life.

Core to this new way of thinking is something I call the “shoot and move” mindset. It’s our primary guide through a world invested with con-artists, losers, greed, and outright thieves.

Think of it like this:

Imagine you’re a sniper hiding out in the weeds. Your mission: pick off the rebel leader of some shitty Banana Republic. You’ve slept in muck for 3 days lying in wait for El Presidente’s motorcade to pass. And finally… here it comes. You take a breath. Hold it. And steady your aim.

At this point, what is the EXACT WRONG thing to do?

Option A) Stand up and yell “Eat lead!!” before firing off a bunch of wild shots

or…

Option B) Get the bastard in your crosshairs, blow him away, quietly pack up and get the hell outta dodge

The answer here is obvious. But in real life… when you’re at the office meeting about to give your big presentation to investors… it’s not so cut-and-dry anymore.

The “shoot and move” philosophy means to never assume automatic success, no matter how much preparation you’ve done or how sure you are it’s shooting fish in a barrel.

Because life always has an ironic way of biting your ass when you least expect it.

Now this does NOT mean you do the opposite and assume failure. No. What you do is assume NOTHING AT ALL. Do not think in terms of failure and success. Simply PERFORM, do the very best you can. If you have true expertise, it will shine through and win the day. The consequences will play out as they should. They are not for you to judge. And once you’ve performed… sit back down, get outta there, or whatever else you have to do.

Everybody will know you as the guy who speaks softly but carries a big stick.

Another core principle of The Way of the Shadow is you can’t be a one-hit wonder. Sure, you might’ve been hot shit 20 years ago but what have you done for us lately?

Even if you’re world-class you can’t rest on past laurels forever. Sooner or later you’ll be challenged and if you’re not up to it, some new guy will come along, water down your legacy till there’s nothing left, and steal what fragments remain right from under you. Your legend can’t last forever unless you have a string of extraordinary successes.

So that means if you want greatness, you can never rest. You always have to be planning, producing, maneuvering. While everyone else is out celebrating the latest kill, you’re back at the lair hunkered down in a cozy hideaway plotting the next move.

Why? Because you’re a driver – the true engine of success. You’re the architect and backbone of the entire operation of accomplishing your dreams. No one else is going to do it for you.

The only difference between you and the people enjoying everything you want out of life RIGHT NOW is… they did something about it and you didn’t.

Or at least you haven’t yet. Now is your time!

Because it’s not a question of IF you’re going to die, but WHEN. There’s no point in living life with anything but total authenticity. That means sitting down, figuring out what it is you REALLY want in life, and then going out and making it happen, whatever the cost. For some people (me included) this means holding some beliefs, opinions, and desires that are not socially acceptable by a lot of people. Family included.

There’s a lot of talk out there about this concept of “going against the grain” – lots of teachers are heavy on platitudes but light on specific examples from real life. Maybe they’re afraid of what the backlash would be. Or maybe… they don’t practice what they preach.

So here, specifically to encourage you to find your own, are a few examples of what living an authentic life means to me personally after I took the time to really THINK about what I wanted:

• I’m a very clean and organized person and would never consider living with anyone who settled for anything less than a perfectly tuned atmosphere. I accomplish it every day on my own so why should I ever downgrade in the presence of a woman?
• I hate pets of any kind – yes, even fish.
• Beauty may only be skin deep, but I’m only in my 20′s and early 30′s for so long – you can bet I’ll take advantage of the opportunities I get. If I wanna talk to someone smart, I call Jason. If I want someone who looks good in a bikini, that’s another matter entirely. Sure, I’ll go for the best of both worlds, but in lieu of that, sometimes a guy just needs an idle distraction.
• I have nothing against people who marry, but for my own life, the idea of marriage goes against my fundamental beliefs of how the universe works (everything is temporary, nothing is permanent, people change) The only situation in which I’d ever marry is if she were foreign and the only way she could leave her country is on a K-1 fiance visa. With American girls, there’s no need to tie up my finances and property with them.
• I only want to hang out with people who are advancing society in some way. “Beer n’ bowling” or the club scene every Saturday night simply does not interest me.

I never said this was easy. Living The Way of the Shadow to its fullest extent is hardcore. It’s a kick-down-their-door, shotgun-blast ‘em-in-the-chest, and-make-out-with-the-loot-before-anyone-ever-realizes-what-happened way of living. No mercy, no talking. Just straight action. (yes, the wrong people WILL feel uncomfortable around you. Realize that’s OK)

And after it’s all over with… after you’ve reaped your successes… you never speak or think much of it again. You go riding off into the sunset in search of “What’s Next”

That last part’s important; more KEY to this whole mindset than you can possibly imagine.

I’ve seen plenty of men in business get a big head. Mr Boss Man. One big success and all of a sudden they think they’re invincible.

They go out and try to be the next Steve Jobs wannabe visionary and guess what happens?

Yup. Fall flat on their face, forced to crawl back to a familiar teet to suck on. They wanted to be a big shot, but ignored The Way. And the universe responded by handing their ass back to them.

Compare that to how Richard Branson starts new businesses. There’s a reason he calls all his companies “Virgin” this and “Virgin” that. It’s because whenever he enters a new business venture, he acknowledges he has absolutely ZERO experience in it and wants to constantly remind himself that even though he’s a billionaire, he can sieze up and fall over dead just like anyone else.

Hubris never pays. I don’t know what it is, but for some reason the Universe poops on those who play God.

Maybe I’m leaving too much up for interpretation here. Maybe what you really need are…

10 Ways To Apply The Way of the Shadow In Your Life

• In business, don’t talk about a big sale until you have actually signed the contract, cashed the check, and can physically SEE the money… and even then, its best to keep quiet.
• Never let anyone know exactly HOW successful you are. Subtly communicate enough to assure them you know what you’re doing and they’re wise to work with you. No more.
• When seeking revenge, serve it up COLD – never in the heat of a moment. Strike your enemy’s weak underbelly hard and fast, then leave… never say a word to anyone about your involvement. Personal satisfaction must be the only reward. If it’s not, then don’t seek revenge.
• If someone compliments you, always downplay your success: “Yeah, we did all right, but competition was fierce.” Maintain a neutral stance on shortcomings: “That isn’t my strong suit but I can hold my own.”
• When you’ve got a job to do, get in there, do it, and get the hell out. Don’t become emotionally attached to a “certain” way of doing it or worry about how you look while doing it. Visualize it like this: If you’ve got to kill a guy and you know he’s just around the corner, then pop around the corner while he takes a sip of coffee, put a silenced bullet through his face (ensure the kill, no accidents), calmly turn back around the corner and briskly walk out, careful not to draw attention to yourself. I’ve witnessed many failures of a friend of mine because there were many things in life he had become emotionally attached to doing a certain way. In the hitman example I just mentioned, it would be my friend who would “prefer” to kill the guy by choking him, which would lead to making a mistake somehow and allowing the would-be victim to alert help. All this trouble when he could’ve just shot the dude.
• When dealing with a loser business man, don’t fall for his illusions. He talks big and gets real excited, but don’t you dare believe it. Size him up for what he is, take what CASH you can get with minimal effort (never equity), then cut him off and never mess with him again. It’s not your job to save the world – you’ll have a much higher quality life using your skills to help winners win more often, than struggling to elevate losers.
• After dealing with a series of flakes and disappointments in life, even the optimist eventually grows grizzled and jaded. When even the hottest prospects can rouse only a “whatever” out of you delivered with a distant glance, ironically, THIS is when you’ll have a success. The big lesson is: the more attached you are to the outcome the more you will LOSE. The more detached you become, the more you WIN. Bizarre but true. My friend Jason and I still have a hard time wrestling with this one.
• Always remain quiet when someone is publicly praising you. Don’t add anything – let THEIR words speak to the group and the effect will be profound.
• Never lose your mind over a woman. And especially never betray your friends for a woman. No matter how much she comes on to you, no matter how crazy she seems for you, just remember: you’ve known them longer than you’ve known her. Even the hottest, sexiest, most educated woman in the world can go psycho-bat-shit on your life in 3 seconds flat. And if not that, consider this: women, especially the exceptionally beautiful ones, have a certain way of proving quite fickle when you least expect it… and often when you need them the most.
• Make people earn your trust. Never take it for granted that anyone would help you or be there for you in a time of need. If you are perceived as a person of exceptional value, a lot of business men, women, and others you don’t even know will act like your best friend in the whole world… But don’t you dare fall for it. What they really want is to bask in your glow, while it lasts. The second any tough times hit, they’ll be the first ones jumping ship to the next shiny object that catches their eye.

Special Bonus: 5 Guys Who “Shoot & Move”

#1. James Bond - Sean Connery be damned, Daniel Craig IS James Bond.
Watch Casino Royale and Quantum of Solace to see the Shadow mindset in action.

#2. R. Lee Ermey - “The Siege of Firebase Gloria” is a must-see. The best “Shadow” line from that film is when Vietnamese villagers tell Ermey “No Viet Cong here. Only simple fishermen.”
He responds under his breath: “Yeah, I’ll bet.” Proceeds with caution. When the “fishermen”
whip out their AK-47′s, Ermey’s team guns ‘em down with their M16′s. He was safe, not sorry.

#3. Lee Van Cleef - In “Death Rides A Horse”, Van Cleef shaves with a knife as he educates a young man hell bent on seeking revenge. No matter how skilled the loudmouth youngster is, Van Cleef is one better.
But he never boasts. Only acts.

#4. Clint Eastwood - The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly. Never gets too excited about anything.
Always keeps his cool no matter what.

And of course, #5. Shadow himself - I mean, c’mon, just look at ‘em!

Email this post

That’s because life’s too short to figure it all out on your own. You need guides – grizzled, bloodied veterans with a few arrows in their backs.

Because it’s these people who’ll make YOUR life a whole lot easier when Lady Fate drops by to sprinkle some shit on your path to greatness.

Over the years, I’ve kept such a list of my own favorite quotes. Here are all of them for you below, along with what each one of them means to me.

You don’t have to get it right, you just have to get it moving.

- Gary Halbert

It was a sad time when Gary died in 2007. Nobody expected him to go so suddenly (and at the relatively “young” age of 69.) The first time I heard this quote was from Gary Halbert’s famous 1987(?) LA seminar, which was back when he had a thick black beard and (mostly) full head of hair – and dating this beautiful woman, Paulette, whom he always talked about. People would ask him questions about this and that, trying to make sure everything was “perfect” before they set out on their new business venture. It was always at this point Gary would get all riled up and say “Motion beats meditation – you don’t have to get it right, you just have to get it GOING!”

Over the years he’d repeat variations on the same theme, always trying to drum it into people’s stubborn heads to fail fast and keep the ball rolling because the more times you step up to bat, the more likely one of those times will be the one you knock a home run.

Advertising is hard.

- Jim Rutz(?)

I’m not sure exactly who said this one, but copywriter Gary Bencivenga elaborated on it when he added “Advertising is hard… when you don’t have a system.”

And it’s true. If you’re going to write ads (especially GOOD ones, consistently) you need a system. A method of research, a method of organizing that research, and a method of constructing the ad, piece-by-piece. Personally, I use a combination of Gene Schwartz, Gary Bencivenga, and Clayton Makepeace’s methods to write my advertising. That, and a little of my own style based on how I like to work (jumping around, writing different chunks of the ad and assembling them all later into a polished whole.)

Breaks are for sissys.

- Dan Kennedy

Classic Dan. I love it. His time management book (and basically everything else he’s ever personally written or spoken) is outstanding. Dan’s always had a very ruthless, aggressive persona when it comes to work and getting shit done. Looking back on this quote reminds me of a comment he made recently about Tim Ferriss’ 4-Hour Workweek book, saying something to the effect of “If you can get an entire week’s worth of work done in 4 hours, then the thing to do is NOT sit back and relax, but to pack another few weeks worth into the remaining 36 hours.” Ha! How’s that for hardcore?

It’s true though; the main thing that separates the successful from the masses is how they use their time. That fact is becoming ever more concrete to me now than ever.

Life is a moving parade.

- David Ogilvy

This quote from Ogilvy is used to explain to marketing students that since life is ever-changing, new groups of people are continually moving in and out of different markets all the time. Take furniture, for example. Back when I moved to St. Louis, I was a HOT prospect for certain types of furniture. I moved into the market, bought what I wanted from the deals available, and then moved out, completely satisfied. Nowadays I can barely stand to even ENTER a furniture store, let alone be convinced to part with any money for more of it. What this means to the furniture marketer is that it doesn’t matter if his advertising is redundantly suspicious (e.g. two flood sales in a 3 month time period) because no one will ever pick up on it. Well, at least not good prospects anyway (people who will actually BUY the stuff now.)

The same is true for marketing health products. One time my uncle asked me “You still selling that thing? You’ve sold so many you’d think people would all know about it by now.”

This is NEVER true. There’s just too many damned people in the world, too many fresh brains who have never had this particular problem before, never heard of my particular solution before, just now entering the market to buy, and would rather same tons of time and money buying from an established authority than risk it on something else… EVEN if the info is available elsewhere for “free.”

And lemme tell ya… “free” info is rarely acted upon, even if it’s the RIGHT info they need. Why? Because most people don’t value something unless they paid money for it. And the more money paid, the more sacred they hold the product… even if it’s just a sheet of paper with a few words typed on it.

Success is a process, not an event.

- Gary Halbert

Halbert did not originate this quote, but I first heard it from him. Most people think in terms of “Oh boy, once I have this or that, man, I’ll have arrived. Success will be mine.” And to make matters worse, most advertising panders to this false thinking, reinforcing it. But it’s not the advertisers fault; they only do this because they’ve learned it’s the only thing people really respond to in great numbers. Why? Because deep down, we all want to believe in the magic pill, even if our rational brain says there is none.

The thing about success and the nature of desires is that once you’ve achieved your goals; you’re not happy sitting still as if you’ve all of a sudden “made it” to the top of Success Mountain. Life is change. Without change, there is no life, and without ever-evolving desires, there is no change.

That’s why people who got rich in something like real estate go on to sell “how to” courses to the masses, because once a certain level of financial comfort is secured, you want 2 things:

1) to “give back” to society somehow, and…
2) to see if you can make even more money, test your limits in life and see where they lie

Otherwise, if you just sit there on your pile of money with no further ambitions, you’ll die. Literally. It really is lonely at the top. But that’s not something most people discover until they’ve worked their ass off to get there.

I remember Frank Kern once said something along the lines of “The worst feeling in the world is working your entire life for goals you finally achieve only to discover they were hollow victories. I wouldn’t wish that on anybody.”

Therefore, we all constantly need a “next big thing”… and another… and another.

Be Somebody. Be Somewhere. Do Something.

- Dan Kennedy

Dan’s key to life and business success couldn’t be said more succinctly. You need to be a force in the world that goes out and makes things happen, creating better things and affecting change. To be reactionary is to lose yourself mindlessly into the herd, living a life of quiet desperation.

You’re either growing or you’re rotting.

- Dan Kennedy

Another good one from Dan, along the same theme.

Give a man a fish, feed him for a day. Teach him how to fish, feed him for a lifetime… but all he really wants is the fish – so just give it to him.

I have no idea who I got this one from, but it’s an important marketing maxim. Most people don’t want to be told HOW to do something; most would rather just pay somebody else for the desired result. Obvious exceptions to this would be craftsmen and people who love the process of doing certain things… but in business, it’s much smarter to sell, say for example, an ad that will pull in orders – completely written, polished and ready to send off to dozens of magazines, than it is to sell a study course teaching people how to write a successful ad.

A buyer is a buyer is a buyer. A non-buyer is a non-buyer is a non-buyer.

- Dan Kennedy

Very important concept to understand in marketing. People who buy certain things buy them because they’re “buyers” – that’s what they ARE. That’s WHO they are. For example, I buy leather-bound classic edition books from Easton Press. I buy craploads of books from Amazon. I always like to browse little book shops for fun. Guess what? I’m a book BUYER, and more specifically, I am a book buyer of a certain pedigree – only non-fiction books in certain subjects (that all have to do with getting ahead in life in one way or another) AND fancy leather-bound classics in fiction. That’s IT. To try and sell me Ann Coulter’s latest time-specific opinion piece would be an exercise in futility. Same goes for any other book I deem “a waste of time.”

By the same token, people who are buyers via certain mediums are BUYERS of that medium. For example, mail order buyers are different people than infomercial buyers, who are different still than people who only shop in physical stores, or only buy off the internet. My mom is a great example of a classic “mail order buyer” – she puts many promotions aside to read later so long as the headline catches her attention. On the other hand, my friend Jason’s dad is NOT a mail order buyer. He gets the same promotion in the mail and says “Oh, it’s another one of THESE THINGS” and instantly trashes it. Even if the thing being sold would benefit him directly, he’s just not a mail order buyer. Never will be. No sale.

The concept of being a “buyer” also applies to quantity. If you have a new CD/DVD set on bass fishing, would it be easier to sell to the guy who is interested in bass fishing, but owns zero similar products, or a guy who’s into bass fishing and owns a whole closet full of tapes, CD’s, DVD’s, books, and more?

Many years ago, I used to think the best prospect would be the guy with no courses, because that would mean he “needs” my course.

I was very, very wrong.

The guy owns no bass fishing courses because he’s not a buyer of bass fishing courses (for whatever reason), even though he is still as interested in the topic as the next guy. That’s not to say he couldn’t BECOME a buyer if you had a good enough ad via the right medium… but if you’re banking on a sales success your first time out, you’re better off delivering your pitch to the guy who’s brimming over with similar products.

There is no problem that can’t be solved with a world-class sales letter.

- Gary Halbert

Halbert firmly believed this and proved it on several occasions; not just in business but also to solve different problems in everyday life, like getting a date, or even finding a wife. But what he’s really saying here is the written word is the most powerful force on Earth. There’s that Victor Hugo quote that goes “There’s nothing more powerful than an idea whose time has come.” And it is the persuasive written word that spreads these ideas like nothing else.

The best way to have a good idea is to have lots of ideas.

- Dr. Linus Pauling

Go ahead. Don’t be afraid to crank out gobs of ideas. Sure, most of them will later prove to be crap, but hidden among them is your Next Big Thing.

There are lots of legitimate reasons to be poor. None to stay poor.

- Dan Kennedy

You can’t control when, where, or under what circumstances you were born. You also can’t control a whole lot up until age 18. But all the time after that, all the way till the day you die is YOURS; figure out what you want and use your time to go after it.

What you say is more important than how you say it.

- Gary Halbert

Gary always used to ask his students: “If your wife was having a baby, is there any way that information could be communicated to you that would NOT be of interest to you?”

Hence, he made the point it wasn’t so much how you said things in ads (colorful language, etc) but what you said in them – saying the RIGHT things – things the reader was passionately interested in and wanted to hear.

When I was young, I worried that others thought the wrong things about me. As I got older, and into a few transgressions, I was worried people were thinking the right things about me. Then as the years went by, I gained wisdom, and… I realized nobody was thinking about me at all!

- Gary Halbert

I love this quote. It’s an important lesson, especially for business owners who sacrifice attention-getting power in their marketplace in exchange for some ethereal notion of “professionalism.”

“What will people think of me if I do X?” they whine. Well, that’s just it; they’re not thinking of you now, and neither will they be thinking of you after they see your ad and buy whatever it is you’re selling. The memory of the marketplace is shockingly short (a fact which, by the way, the news takes advantage of ALL the time). The most you can expect a lot of times is an impression in the customer’s mind that reads, “Oh, him? He’s the guy who (blank)” – And if you sound generic, you’ll be filed away as precisely that.

The “Professional’s Code” is very simple: You show up where you’re supposed to be… when you said you’d be there… having done what you said you’d do. That’s it.

- John Carlton

Always do what you say you’re gonna do. Period. If you can’t, then don’t make the promise to begin with. This is something I’ve tried to live by for years, almost to the point now it’s become religion. To hear John Carlton articulate it in this way was music to my ears.

People settle for mediocrity because they are lazy.

- Donald Trump

Gotta love “The Donald” and his no bullshit delivery. I completely agree with this one and have a similar quote of my own below.

This is NOT a dress rehearsal, THIS is for real! Real life!

- Ted Nicholas

What Ted is saying here is, there’s no practice run here; this isn’t high school or college anymore where you can put things off and try things out. This is real life and it’s not a question of IF you’ll die, but WHEN… so it’s important to WAKE UP and start living like this is all you got, because…it very well may be.

Would you rather have the pain of regret or the pain of discipline?

- Ted Nicholas

Following the same theme, Ted makes an excellent point. At the end of people’s lives, regrets often come from the things you DIDN’T do, not all the other stuff. Discipline is painful for awhile, but the habbits it creates within you are priceless. It’s this discipline that takes us to higher levels of life and allows us to experience more while we’re still alive to enjoy it.

If you don’t ask, the answer is always no.

- Ted Nicholas

You’ve gotta at least try. I’m often surprised at what I can get just by asking. (it also helps to ask with the right frame)

Every product has a unique personality and it is your job to find it.

- Joe Sugarman

That’s the reason why swipe-file ads don’t work very well in the hands of newbies. Structures can be copied, but to create a truly masterful ad, each product needs to have it’s own presentation, voice tone, and marketing angle. Those things come from knowing the product and the market who buys it; two key elements that mindless swiping can’t fix.

Anything worth doing is worth doing poorly.

- Zig Ziglar

If it’s worth your time at all, then it’s OK to suck at doing it. I’ve met people (and been one myself) who won’t do something unless they’re already perfect at it. Forget that. If it’s worth doing, just go out and do it. You’ll get better soon enough.

You can get anything you want by helping enough other people get what they want.

- Zig Ziglar

Famous Zig quote. Speaks for itself, but what he’s really talking about here is VALUE. Nothing happens in the world without someone first creating value for somebody else.

Toys are meant to be played with.

When I was little, I was religiously taught to take care of stuff, especially my toys. The more expensive the toy, the more care. Which was good in some ways, but I took it a bit too far – often to the point where playing with my stuff wasn’t fun anymore because I’d always be too worried about damaging it (which in retrospect, I think was more about not wanting to disappoint mom and cost her money than it was about the toy itself.) And since I was so young, this mental programming was INCREDIBLY difficult to reverse.

Then one day the mother of a very poor family who lived down the street from us looked me directly in the face and said something profound I’ll remember for the rest of my life: Toys are meant to be played with.

Or in other words; we are not our things. The stuff in our lives is meant to be used for OUR BENEFIT, not to be perpetually saved for some unknown date in the future. I call that “saving for a rainy day that never comes.” Mom always had that mindset and still does till this day. And I used to be a victim of it too. It’s based on a scarcity mindset that says “I better save this now because I might not be able to get another in the future.”

Toys preserved, food saved, luxuries unused. Some might call that “good preparation.” But you know what really happens? Eventually the forces of time take their toll and… toys lose interest, food spoils, and luxuries decay. Once again, the universe imposes change on those stubborn to embrace it. You might as well have never bought any of that stuff in the first place.

Get it, use it, enjoy it. It’s all temporary anyway.

Money solves problems not having money creates.

- John Carlton

Some people love to sit on a high horse and declare “Silly fools. Money will not solve your problems.”

Well, they’re wrong. Money DOES solve many problems… but with an important catch: only the problems created by you not having enough money in the first place. For everything else, there’s Mastercard. Ha ha… no, for everything else, you’ll have to rely on things like knowledge, experience, personal magnetism, good nutrition, etc.

If your work speaks for itself, don’t interrupt.

If you’re world-class at something, boasting can and often will take you down a few notches. The guy who gets results let’s them do most of the talking.

Freedom of the mind comes from having few choices, not many.

There’s a pretty good book called “The Paradox of Choice” – which basically talks about how there’s so many choices today, it’s actually FAR more difficult to make a simple decision now than in years past.

For example, back in the 1950′s, if you wanted some meat you went down to the local butcher and bought some damn meat. Beef, pork, whatever. But you can’t do that anymore. Now we’ve got “organic” versus “not organic”, “grass fed” versus “grain fed”, “free range” versus “caged”, and the list goes on and on and on and ON. Go to Whole Foods and compare that to what you see at Sam’s Club and the differences will be profound. Food just ain’t food anymore, and the choices are mind-boggling, even paralyzing.

That’s one of the reasons why I actually DO get most of my stuff from Sam’s Club; I abhor dizzying choice; I just want to get the thing, get out of there, and move on to something more important than 96 different kinds of salad dressing.

The result? A more stress-free lifestyle and time freedom to do more of what I enjoy.

Be the change you wish to see in the world.

- Gandhi

There’s also the Michael Jackson song Man In The Mirror that says “If you want to make the world a better place, then take a look in the mirror and make a change.” Something like that. And it’s good advice. If you don’t see what you want in the world, first make sure you’re leading by example.

Know yourself. Make yourself. Be who you are.

- Thompson family motto

The original was simply “Know thyself” – but I’ve since changed it to reflect reality. From an existential point of view, it’s impossible to know yourself if you don’t first define what it is you want and how you want to align yourself in life. My “know yourself” means to realize that you do actually have a base temperament rooted in biology, a general default disposition tweaked by a myriad of variables (including astrological concepts.) And it’s not always easy to discover exactly what that is. That’s why many people lead inauthentic lives, always trying to please someone (or someTHING) else. They simply haven’t taken the time to listen to themselves.

The “make yourself” part comes next. After you realize what biology has created in you, now you’ve got to find a way to work with that to achieve whatever it is you want to get out of life. This is where the existentialism of defining yourself comes into play – working within the parameters set by biology to create the “self” you really want to be.

And finally it’s all tied together with “be who you are” – setting all your plans into motion and actually LIVING out the life you’ve created, as opposed to shelving it for “the rainy day that never comes.”

Somewhere between cosmic freedom and responsibility to the people you love lays the answer to life

Saw this one in a hedonism book and loved it. Eloquently, it explains that cosmic freedom alone results in an unfulfilling life (all choice, no decision equals terrible existence) and responsibility to others alone suffers the opposite: no personal choice, too many responsibilities equals misery and desperation. The solution is to combine the two by taking all that is possible (cosmic freedom) and cherry-picking from it precisely what you desire responsibility over (adhering to certain people, lifestyles, and ideas and ignoring others because they don’t result in anything that fulfills you)

Life exists only at this very moment, and in this moment it is infinite and eternal. For the present moment is infinitely small; before we can measure it, it has gone, and yet it exists forever… You may believe yourself out of harmony with life and its eternal Now; but you cannot be, for you are life and exist Now.

- Alan Watts

Setting aside the fact that anything referred to as “infinite” is too vague a concept to even be discussed, this is still a valuable quote. Alan Watts wrote a book called (hubrisly enough) “The Book – The Taboo Against Knowing Who You Are”

If you think of each little moment of your life like frames in a movie, or cards in a deck layed down one right after another, it’s easy to imagine how this quote plays out. Every little bit, every little action you take exists forever at that particular time in this particular reality. Let’s say a girl and I share a moment together, and kiss. Hit pause. Now if you could travel back to that exact moment, at that exact location, there we would be, still kissing, frozen in time.

Heavy stuff to think about.

The world is full of people who have stopped listening to themselves.

- Joseph Campbell

In the Hero With A Thousand Faces, Campbell talks about the stories that recur throughout history and the deep emotional imfact they have on humanity. It seems there are just certain things we are biologically “programmed” to respond to, no matter what. A lot of important ritual and lore comes from these deep-rooted response mechanisms – stuff I USED to think was total bullshit and a waste of good time. Well, not anymore. Try as hard as you want, it’s impossible to rise above our innate humanity.

And, Campbell says, even if we could rise above, why would we want to? I think he’s got a point there.

But in modern times, many of us have forgotten how to satisfy our base desires and have essentially “stopped listening to ourselves”, settling instead for what other people (or a perceived notion of God) thinks we should do and be.

I have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened.

- Mark Twain

This one makes me chuckle a little every time I read it. Most of what we worry about never even happens.

Good artists copy. Great artists steal.

- Picasso

Pablo Picasso was an interesting guy. He had a very strong frame and for a short, old tubby guy, was pretty good with the ladies.

It’s only after we’ve lost everything that we’re free to do anything.

-Tyler Durden

Durden is the main guy in the fantastically poignant movie Fight Club. One of the main philosophies of Fight Club is “you are not your things” – and this quote says that once we lose our connection with our “stuff”, we become free to truly live life.

No fear. No distractions. The ability to let that which does not matter truly slide.

-Tyler Durden

In this one he talks about going after your desires with complete involvement and to hell with everything else. We only live for so long, so why waste even the smallest bit? Many people will agree with what I just wrote there, but few actually live it. It’s hard for me to live it, too, but I am trying; that’s why I always want to keep this idea in front of me.

I say never be complete, I say stop being perfect, I say let’s evolve, let the chips fall where they may.

-Tyler Durden

There is no “set for life” button in business or in life. Everything changes, evolves. Nothing is ever “done.” This is the existential view of “we are all works in progress.” Nothing is ever done until we’re dead.

The most faded ink is better than the best memory.

- Old Chinese Saying

Why do you think I write everything? Books, and all other written communication is how we save the next generation from making the same dumb mistakes we did. Unfortunately, it’s up to their own initiative to actually READ and ACT on our advice. Heaven help us all.

Advertisements contain the only truths to be relied on in a newspaper.

- Thomas Jefferson

As much shit people sling on the subject of “truth in advertising” the plain fact is simple: You can rely on the fact that Rothman Furniture is having a Labor Day Sale FAR more than you can rely on whatever it says the government is (or isn’t) doing. Just like in Jefferson’s time, advertising today contains more truth, pound for pound, than anything we see on Fox News.

Let’s stop screwing around and make some DAMN MONEY.

- Frank Kern

As far as internet marketers go, I just can’t get enough of Frank Kern. He has a certain way of taking something you’ve heard or learned before, making it sound new, and most importantly, getting you to TAKE ACTION on it than anyone else I’ve ever seen. His secret sauce is using different words and phrases than you’re used to hearing to communicate powerful ideas that tap into the base emotions. This combination jolts people up out of their zombie-like daily sleepwalk and gets them to pay attention.

If you don’t use success to enrich your life, you’re just putting failure into Gucci shoes.

You have to do something with your financial success to feel fulfilled. That’s why many rich guys end up starting some sort of charity, or whatever. And like I said before, there’s always gotta be your “next big thing” or else you will stagnate and die. The universe frowns on stagnation by weeding you out of existence.

Beware of women who love you just the way you are; it’s a sure sign they settle too easily.

The problem with this kind of woman is if you’re the kind of guy who likes to continually improve and change for the better, then eventually you will “out grow” her and neither of you will be very happy with one another.

I used to always hate it when a girl would say “I just want somebody to love me for who I am” or something like “Here I am, take it or leave it. What you see is what you get.”

Fuck that. Life is about change and you can’t escape the fact that people do change. I’m a completely different guy than I was 3 years ago and 3 years from now I’ll be different still. Always changing, always evolving. What you must do instead is find a high quality girl that rolls with the punches so you can grow together.

Fucking is the last resort of a man who feels impotent.

Sexual insecurity. Economic insecurity. The inability of a man to provide for his family. These are all things that’ll cause a man to resort to desperate measures. When pressed, either by nagging thoughts swirling around in his own mind or biting criticism from others, he will stop at nothing to prove them (or himself) wrong. Over and over and over again. It’s a vicious cycle that ends only in total destruction UNLESS he can conquer his insecurities and emerge a new man.

Today’s money is always worth more than tomorrow’s.

This is an old bankers’ axiom. In a fiat currency-based world, it assumes all money is slowly withering away into worthlessness. It’s also a more complex way of saying “A bird in hand is better than two in the bush.”

You never get back lost time.

So simple, yet so few actually value their time. It’s the great equalizer in life. We all have the same 24 hours a day, 365 days per year. Everything else is up to you. Don’t be penny wise and pound foolish.

It’s not about ownership, it’s about control.

The universe does not attach property tags to things. That golf course you love, that tennis court you frequent, that swimming pool you take a dip in every summer: who gives a shit who “owns” them as long as YOU get to enjoy them? Ownership is an elusive objective and, from the universe’s point of view, doesn’t exist anyway. Life is about the things you get to experience. There’s an old Arab quote that said something like “You can have many mansions but sleep in only one per night.” As long as you get to sleep in it, who cares? Let some other guy worry himself over the upkeep and hassles of ownership. You’re here to live.

Opportunity cost is the biggest cost of all.

I think I got this from Warren Buffett when he was talking about investments. Often times, opportunity is ALL AROUND us. What it really comes down to is weeding out the good choices from the better choices, from the best choices. Focusing on the 80/20 rule, that 20% of your efforts will produce 80% of your results. Continually finding that 20%, refocusing only on it, and then dividing it again and again for maximum effectiveness.

In other words, it’s not about what you’re doing, but WHAT ELSE could you be doing with the same time and resources.

If there’s one thing you can always count on, it’s the laziness of people.

- Greg Thompson

Unfortunately I’ve personally discovered this to be true. But instead of moping around about the present state of humanity, you can actually profit from this assumption.

Here’s one example:

Let’s say you’re selling a product that’s quite easy for someone else to copy and rip off. You get some competitors, but most of them go away with enough time. Why didn’t you get more competitors? And why did the guys who tried to rip you off crash and burn?

It’s because they were lazy. And you weren’t. Simple as that. You did something they either couldn’t do or were unwilling to do to market that product. And even though all it required was just a wee bit more effort to beat you, most of them chose the low road and wiped out. The most common reason for this in my experience has been guys who didn’t pay close attention to their numbers and do the marketing math. That and bad sales copy will kill a product in no time flat.

Winners win. Losers lose.

- Greg Thompson

Just like how “a buyer is a buyer is a buyer”, it could be said “a loser is a loser is a loser.” If someone you observe is acting like a loser (and therefore IS a loser) you can reliably predict they will go on being a loser. Why? Because losers lose; that’s what they do.

On the flipside, winners win. If you find a winner in a losing position, it won’t be too long before his internal drive puts him back on top again. Donald Trump is a good example of this, being over a billion dollars in debt and coming back better than ever. He’s a winner. And winners win. Why? Because that’s what they do.

Now this isn’t to say people can’t change. They certainly can. But what my quote says is that “right now they are acting this particular way and it is highly unlikely they will do a complete 180 and change.” Just because someone CAN do something hardly means they actually WILL.

The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and a lightning bug.

- Mark Twain

Word choice is of paramount importance. That’s why, especially if you’re a writer, it’s valuable to study dictionaries, thesauri, and practice the ability to use less adjectives in writing and more verbs. More power words that conjure up emotional reactions.

“Thump” instead of “hit”

“Grab” instead of “get”

“Humiliate” instead of “embarrass”

Just some examples to get your brain chuggin’

Email this post

And what did you do?

That’s easy. You did what you do every time: nothing.

Not a damn thing.

She paid for her coffee and walked out. And you’ll never see her again.

It’s happened to all of us. But you shouldn’t feel bad about it. No, you should feel terrible. Awful. Horrible. Downright pissed this is the reality you’re living in.

Why?

Because getting angry at a sucky reality the first step to stopping this pattern and changing your life forever. In fact, getting all riled up is the #1 hidden driver of a lot of those “rags to riches” success stories you hear all the time.

Listen: Life is short. Youth is even shorter. And you better forget about some mystical being or unseen hand of fate guiding you to your perfect soul mate because it ain’t happenin’. Even if it did, is she really the best girl just because she was so easy to meet? I mean, if you ran a company would you hire the first person to breeze through the door and talk up a good game?

What I’m going to tell you will be the first step – the crucial first key – to a life a thousand times happier, with no pressure, comfortable in almost any situation.

Nah, this is even bigger than that.

I’m talking about feeling settled with yourself the way a bar of gold is solid. I’m talking about the ability to command a room, your problems meeting women half-solving themselves before you even consider them. I’m talking about nothing less than a life free of limitations that’ve held you hostage, hog-tied your thinking for all these years, forcing you to settle for everything less than what you REALLY want.

And this transformation all begins as quickly, as easily, as a few little tricks…

…because, for most guys… the problem’s all in your head.

This is important: Your “frame” in life – your mental concept of who you are and how the world works – your assumptions – your idea of what’s “normal” in your life versus what’s uncommon or “weird” – is the basis for EVERYTHING you will ever do, feel, or experience.

Your frame determines how easily you move through life, how much money you draw in, and yes… especially what kind of women you attract, and how many.

Guys who are successful in business & with money, and guys who attract the best women strain and stress themselves out over their success no more than you do when ordering lunch. Now that DOESN’T mean they didn’t work hard to get where they are. That’s not what I mean. Performing the actions to make something happen and struggling with weird shit in your mind are two completely different things. What I mean is these guys are CONFIDENT in their success; ASSUME that it will happen (the possibility of it not happening doesn’t even enter the mind) and are rather surprised when gates of opportunity DON’T seem to automatically open for them.

Nothing is ever “weird” as in “Wow, this is so weird, I can’t believe this hot girl is so into me!” …Instead, the successful man thinks, “Of course she’s into me. This happens all the time. I’m a real catch. Of course she’s laughing. I’m fun to be around. I think I like her too, but I want to wait awhile and see for sure.”

Successful men in a particular area of life often have a strong frame in that area.

Unsuccessful men have weak frames.

It’s possible to have a strong frame when it comes to business, but instantly turn pansy when it comes to women. That’s OK – but you first need to realize it and acknowledge it.

They key to changing this is first realizing what a strong frame sounds like, then think about all the areas of your life where this is NOT the case, but you would like to change.

7 Examples of What It Means To Have A Strong Frame

#1. I’ve already given you this one above, with the thinking of “Of course she’s into me. This happens all the time. I’m a real catch. Of course she’s laughing. I’m fun to be around. I think I like her too, but I want to wait awhile and see for sure.”

This frame assumes you are a man of confidence who doesn’t jump the gun. Just because she’s good looking doesn’t automatically score her a ton of points with you. You’re a man who bides his time, waiting to discover her true value, if any. You don’t know yet. Beauty is common to you; it’s in your life everywhere you go. What’s rare is a woman with a passion for life that compliments your desires and beliefs. And when you do discover these traits in a woman, you let her know it because you are a man of integrity; you’re the same man on the outside as you are on the inside.

#2. One time I was at the post office, and took special notice of one of the employees. This guy was impeccably groomed and as stylishly dressed as a man can be in a U.S.P.S. uniform. He wore latex surgical gloves while handling the mail and serving the customers. He was uncommonly polite but in a firm, forceful way… like when he spoke, there was no doubt in his mind, no backtracking, no apologies as to what was coming out. He stood there, physically, on the most solid ground and looked you right in the eye.

And then, across the room, a fellow postal employee reached his hand into a bag and pulled out some kind of snack. Tasting it, he exclaimed, “Wow, these things you gave me are really good!”

The gentleman’s replied without even looking at him, “I don’t eat anything that’s not.”

Don’t you see?

His mindset: “Of course they’re good. I don’t eat anything that isn’t good. If I give you something to try, it’s going to be good. Why? Because it’s coming from me. The notion that this is somehow strange to you, a foreign concept, is barely worth my time.”

That’s a strong frame.

#3. Some people say things like “Life is unfair.” They whine and complain, accepting their lot in life because of this perceived unfairness. I mean, why even try? Life is unfair and will just beat you back down anyways.

This is a weak frame. Here’s how to spin it into a strong frame:

“Yes, life is unfair… but you know what? That’s the best news I’ve heard all day. Because if life was fair, I’d never be able to have this awesome house I want, a totally hot girlfriend, and extra cash to blow. If life was ‘fair’, we’d all be down at the bread and soup lines for 2 hours every day for handouts. If life was ‘fair’, the lazy could have all the stuff I had to work my butt off for, and there would be no incentive. Life is unfair, and I couldn’t be happier.”

#4. Recently I was at a gas station paying for my gas when I overheard a well-dressed black man (many of whom have very strong frames and are good to be friends with, by the way) say to this lady, “I don’t have a girlfriend. I have a woman.”

Because in his mind, there’s a difference. And he knows it when he sees it. He’s sure of himself and his decisions. Girls are a waste of time. But a real woman is really something.

#5. In clubs or any sizable social gathering, there’s a good line to use that demonstrates strong frame and value. And it’s this: When you’re talking to a girl you like and want to eliminate all her other options from her mind, simply say “C’mon, I’ll introduce you to any guy in here, and I promise you he’ll not be nearly as interesting as me and my friends right here.”

She’ll most likely decline, and at that point you have her undivided attention.

And if she doesn’t? Well, aren’t you really the most interesting?

Strong frame.

#6. Having a big complex story to tell your buddies about how you got this one awesome girl is weak frame material. Because if you truly had a strong frame, your success would be assumed. In fact, you’re not even really sure HOW you did it. The guys ask, “How did you get her?” You’re just like “Well, I don’t know, I just kinda went over there and…???” In other words, if this really was YOUR reality and this sort of thing happened all the time, there would be no story to tell.

#7. The general idea of strong frames is “This is MY reality. You are a guest. I am in control. Things don’t happen TO me, I MAKE things happen. I am a CAUSE in the world, not an effect. Success just happens. It’s easy.”

Weak frames are rooted in your own beliefs about yourself…

For example, some guys think they’ve got to sacrifice everything to get the best women. The most shocking and surprising thing is – what creates loyalty and respect is actually the exact opposite of sacrificing.

Quality women look first to see if they can make their man stronger – amazing women are loyal to men whose lives they contribute to, to men who they can make stronger, and to men who share their strength with them without any appearance of effort or sacrifice at all.

Quality women want a guy they can make a lot better, especially if she’s going to stick with him for the long run. Great women want a man who is stronger through being with her, not weaker. They certainly don’t want a man who sacrifices everything, does things he doesn’t like to do, and gives everything he has to her even at his own expense. It just doesn’t make sense to them.

The more you allow your woman to contribute to improving your life, the more loyal she will become and the more she will like and respect you.

That “allow” part is key. Quality women love to do great things to make their man stronger and contribute to his life. Great women want to do these amazing things for you so that you can grow with her. Most men can’t accept this and simply reject or refuse contribution – huge mistake.

It’s important to start by simply allowing her to do great things for you. Try and notice in just a week, how many times your girl will offer to help make your life better. Every time you refuse her offers, you in fact reject her. It hurts her badly, and slowly with time, she might give up trying to make you stronger altogether. Relationships, and people in general cannot grow like this. It’s a shame.

So why the hell do guys do this?

Well, let’s go back to another little story.

Here, imagine yourself in this situation:

You’re at a crosswalk in the city, waiting for the light to turn green. A beautiful woman approaches, joining beside you. As the two of you wait to cross the street, you feel that familiar anxiety welling up inside.

You want to talk to this woman. You want to say something, anything that’ll make her smile, feel comfortable, and notice you for who you really are. You want to attract her.

Instead, you nervously look straight ahead. Moments pass. The light changes. She walks. You blew your one and only chance.

Why didn’t you say anything?

Now imagine the exact same crosswalk scenario again. You. The Woman. The Light.

Waiting.

Out of the corner of your eye, you see a car, a maniac out of control, careening toward the beautiful creature standing beside you. It’s all happening so fast. You’re the only one who notices.

Ask yourself: Would you shove the beautiful woman out of the way to save her life, or would you just stand there, and do nothing???

Most men, even the weakest frames among us, would save the girl if they could.

Now ask yourself: Why would you shy away from uttering so much as a word in scenario #1… but you would interrupt her life without a second thought, knocking her to the ground to save her from a madman?

…because in saving her, your mind understands how you’re adding value to her life, so you do it without hesitation… but when you simply want to talk to her, you freeze and lock up, because you don’t feel like her life will be better afterward as a result. You feel you have no value to add. You have serious doubts crippling you from success before you even try. She is the prize, and who are you? Just some schlub.

See, the problem is – you don’t feel like you’re valuable enough to enhance her life. You don’t feel like you “deserve” this woman.

A lot of men feel they’re not good enough, so they compensate by showing her they’ll sacrifice everything. They won’t allow her to contribute – instead, they establish the frame of “the guy has to do everything, pay for everything, work hard… sacrifice.”

Great men (men with strong frames) know they deserve a lot of great things from the world, especially from their partner, so they come to expect a lot out of the people around them.

A great man expects his woman to contribute to his life. In return, he becomes even stronger for her, and helps her grow stronger alongside him. Two people growing together, enhancing one another’s lives. What could be more wonderful?

Most high quality women realize the best men will expect a lot from them, whereas guys who don’t feel worthy will sacrifice their livelihood, voluntarily castrating themselves from their true desires.

This partially explains why a lot of really beautiful, intelligent women cut and run when a guy starts sacrificing too much.

Remember: Great women want to contribute to a quality man’s life, not have a guy who becomes a martyr, carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders trying to impress her. When you get her contributing to your life and doing great things to make YOU better, and you share your strength with her, making HER better – that’s what creates real loyalty.

By simply allowing your woman to do her thing and help you grow day by day, you are on the right track. By demanding the best out of her and the people around you, you will start to realize your true potential as a high quality man.

Those mental “tricks” I mentioned at the beginning are real, but this is only the beginning of a long journey. In the near future I’ll show you some ways to begin to DEVELOP a strong frame like the ones I’ve been talking about here.

Until then, hopefully this opened up your mind and got you thinking about your life. If you don’t like what you see, now’s the time to do something about it.

If not now, when? And if not you, who?

Email this post

Fashion is about clothes and their relationship to the moment in time they’re being presented in. Style is about you and your relationship to yourself.

Fashion is in the clothes. Style is in the wearer.

Fashion moves in cycles based on the collective social mood of the population. Style is an individually distinctive way of putting ourselves together. It’s a unique blend of spirit and substance – your personal identity imposed on, and created through, the physical world of “things.”

It’s a way of capturing something vibrant, making a statement about ourselves by means of clothes. It’s what people really want when they aspire to be “fashionable” (unless of course they’re merely buying something for its value as a status symbol… but even then they’re still making a telling statement about themselves.)

In some circles it’s become the cool, socially acceptable thing to do, to say something like “Oh I don’t care too much about style, fashion, or anything like that. I want people to like me for me. It’s what’s on the inside that counts, and if people don’t like that, then they’re just shallow.”

And you know what? I used to think that too… until I learned some very important lessons about fashion, style, and how we present ourselves in general.

Picture this:

It’s ancient times, and you’re sitting around the camp fire sharing some stories with friends. Suddenly you spot some guy from an unknown tribe coming over to you. He’s rapidly approaching, and you notice he’s wearing mangled animal pelts and carrying a spear in the upright position with a battle-worn look.

What do you do?

Well, he COULD be a friendly, well-intentioned warm-hearted soul who just nearly got his ass handed to him in a showdown with a mountain lion… and now he saw you guys over here and wanted to stop by for some much needed medical attention and food.

Or he COULD be a master hunter and gamesman… so adept at his chosen field of expertise, he has little time to concern himself with such petty matters as personal hygiene and social skills.

But is that what you’d reeeeally think from his first impression?

More than likely, if you saw this man of unknown origin coming at you and your friends like that, you’d instantly snap out of whatever yarn you were spinning and right into “survival mode” – on guard, and ready for a potentially hostile situation. You know, the whole “fight or flight” instinct.

Now imagine the same scenario, except this time the man approaches you and your friends with a smile, with some freshly killed meat in tow. More than enough for the whole group. He opens with:

“Hey guys, did you just see that fight over there? I slaughtered 5 wild boars and got waaaay more meat than I could possibly eat… you guys want some?”

With a few small details, this guy just went from “creepy weirdo” to “most popular guy ever.”

A more updated version of this story might be a guy apporaching you while you’re in the drivers seat of your car. One guy approaches you in fat nerd clothes (loose khakis and a dull plaid shirt) and long, unkept hair with a nervous look and gets close enough to knock on your window before you roll it down and mace him in the eyes. The other guy is slim, fit, and approaches your window wearing a suit and vest by Brooks Brothers, carrying a freshly baked apple pie and says:

“Hi I’m Jason. My friends and I were having some of the most delicious pie & ice cream over there. I saw you looked a little lonely over here by yourself and wanted to come see if you’d like to join us.”

Who are you going to talk to?

The point is, we’re trained instinctually to size people up at a moment’s notice. It’s a survival mechanism and one of the main reasons our ancestors survived so we could be around to enjoy life today.

Bottom line is this:

People don’t have time to “figure you out” !!!

There’s dressing differently because you don’t care, and there’s dressing differently to express yourself. If you care at all about your place in society as a whole, then it’s important to understand the difference.

I’ve come up with a short list of observations about clothes that have helped me think things through better when developing my own style. As a guy, I had no teachers and had to learn all this stuff on my own. So to girls, this list might sound a little obvious… but trust me… to a lot of guys out there, it’s breakthrough stuff:

Greg’s Three Rules For Clothes:

Rule #1. Clothes are seldom worn in isolation – it’s not about the individual shirt you like, but how you wear it WITH something else. It’s not about liking a particular pair of shoes, but knowing WHAT ELSE you are going to wear them with. I recently bought a pair of black/red Ralph Lauren sneakers. Thought they were pretty cool. But I ended up taking them back for a refund. Why? Couldn’t wear them with anything that looked right. When I was little, my mom used to come home with a new shirt for me and say something like “Hey Greg, look at this new shirt I got you today at the store… isn’t it great?” Well, yeah, it’s a good shirt and all, but guess what? I don’t go to school dressed in ONLY a shirt and nothing else. I didn’t have the right clothes to supplement the shirt, so therefore it looked like a piece of crap on me. So before you buy ANYTHING… always make sure you can visualize in your mind at LEAST 3 different ways to wear it with other things you already have or can easily obtain.

Rule #2. Most designer brands REALLY ARE worth the higher price tag. The reason why you pay more for designer brands isn’t so much the vain sense of status and recognition (although those do play a role) as it is more about the particular FIT, QUALITY of materials, CUT of the fabric and overall STYLE of the piece. Once I started to really study this stuff, I realized all the quality material, all the best designs, all the perfect fits, all the most unique pieces came from the bigger names in fashion. Everyone else just copied off of them, oftentimes very poorly (with a few notable exceptions.) Find two or three brand you really identify with and get ONLY their stuff. You’ll spend more on less, but it’s better to have a few great things to wear than a ton of crap.

Rule #3. There’s no excuse for a bad body. Let’s face it – when you’re fat, you get all the worst choices of clothes. Even some of the best stuff out there will look terrible if you’ve got a pear-shaped midsection. Back in the old days when this applied to me, I know firsthand: there’s really no hiding it. You’re not fooling anyone. Bigger sizes will only make you look puffier and you’ll never achieve the slim cut style needed for timeless dictinction. Bottom line is: ya gotta lose the weight, especially if it’s making you unhappy. You can mask those rolls all day but in the end, your options are VERY limited. Clothes are not only about what else they’re worn with, but also what they’re covering. Make sure they’ve covering your real body, and not some temporary distortion. (By the way, that’s how I used to see my fat – not as my “real” self… but more like a temporary distortion that I was eventually going to overcome and forget. Now I’ve done that and moved on.)

Your clothes provide a visual aspect to your own consciousness. Through clothes, we reinvent ourselves every time we get dressed. Our wardrobe is our visual vocabulary, and style is our distinctive pattern of speech – our individual poetry.

Part of style is personal identity: self-awareness and self-knowledge. You can’t have style until you have articulated a “self.” And style requires security – feeling at home in your body, physically and mentally. Of course, like all knowledge, self-knowledge must be updated as you grow and evolve; style takes ongoing self-assessment. We’re all works in progress.

Style is also part personality: spirit, verve, attitude, wit, inventiveness. It demands the desire and confidence to express whatever mood you want. It reflects your own unique complexity as a human being. People want to be “themselves” and be seen as themselves (whatever they choose that to be.)

And in order to work, style has to reflect your BEST self… anything less, and you are dumbing yourself down to those around you and robbing yourself of the benefit of the first impression “size up” …which keeps you from countless priceless interactions with other (presumably) high-value people.

Lastly, style is part fashion. You can dress like an intellectual from the 1800′s or you can dress like an intellectual from the 2000′s, with updated 1800′s accents. The latter will demonstrate style and bravado, while the former will come off as an amusing costume. You can wear whatever you want, but fashion does play an important part in keeping that look authentic to the reality you are actually in.

Style is optimism made visible. Style presumes that you are a person of interest, that the world is a place of interest, that life is worth making the effort for. Most importantly, I think, is your style demonstrates (without words) that YOU are a person of value, worth getting to know. A person who belongs to a tribe other people want to be a part of… or at the very least, a tribe they’d like to stay for awhile and visit.

Style announces to the world that you have taken command of yourself.

Since the dawn of human civilization, we’ve needed fast ways of transmitting information about ourselves without losing authenticity. During those first few seconds of instinctual “sizing up” of a person, there is very little time to make your true mark and prove you are worthwhile, without being pigeon-holed as “just another one of THOSE guys.”

Style, like a perfectly fitting book jacket, evokes the substance within by way of the surface. It makes an authentic visual impression, a memorable mark of identity in a world that otherwise strips you of identity.

Email this post

You were in the driver’s seat all along.

The choices you made determined your path, the opportunities were always there and the ultimate direction of your life was in your own hands the entire time.

When the grand game finally comes to an end, there is nothing more disappointing than the crushing realization that you never reached for the golden ring. Missed opportunities, self-delusion, and misplaced priorities come crashing down like shards of broken glass, reminding you of what might have been.

To look back over the course of your life and to know that your days were wasted chasing after illusions and trying to impress some imaginary figure of authority who was never really there to begin with is to understand the gravity of regret.

But a sad ending is not inevitable. Regret need not accompany you to the other side. If you still have enough strength to lift a glass of wine to your lips, then you still have the strength to change.

Life is but a series of decisions, and you can decide right now to embrace the joys of leisure and pleasure that are rightfully yours. You can decide to follow what makes you happiest and allow pleasure to be your guiding light.

Hedonism is not a dirty word, nor is it an irresponsible philosophy. It is good, it is practical, and it will enrich your life beyond belief.

So before the dire day of reckoning arrives, take a moment to imagine yourself onstage for the final curtain call, and imagine what your answers will be in the Final Deathbed Review.

How did you live?

Did you laugh and play in the sun?

Did you allow yourself to be free?

Did you take chances?

Did you trust your intuition?

Did you treat yourself well?

Did you truly connect to those around you?

Did you learn to give without taking?

Did you ever let go of the pain?

Did you forgive and move on?

Did you live out your dreams?

Did you attempt the impossible?

Did you learn how to love?

Did you take responsibility for your own life?

At the end of the day, it all comes down to you. No matter what your lot in life, there are moments of joy and happiness to be had. You can go out and create them, or you can sit and wallow in a state of self-perpetuated stress and misery.

If you have a dream you should commit to it. For real.

If you find a vocation that you love and you want to be the very best, good luck to you.

But wherever your journey leads you, remember that life is not an assignment. It is an adventure that should be filled with beauty, bliss, and above all, pleasure.

To quote Ted Nicholas, a marketing man I admire and respect, he says:

“This is NOT a dress rehearsal… THIS is FOR REAL… REAL LIFE! Would you rather have the pain of regret or the pain of discipline?”

Couldn’t have said it better myself.

As for me, I’m deathy afraid of the negative of this outcome happening to me. You might say it’s the only one big fear I’ve got left in me. I’m not sure if it will ever really go away.

But I know I’ve got to fight tooth and nail to keep the pain of regret away.

A fight to the death, if necessary.

Email this post

It’s not a location.
It’s not a band.

It’s a state of mind.

Nirvana is the Buddhist term for the quiet state of peace and pure pleasure that can only be found in one’s own private, innermost theater of experience. It’s a place of escape, where life’s sorrows and tribulations fall away and a state of pure bliss is experienced.

It is glimpsed in fleeting moments by the athlete who executes a flawless play of superhuman proportions, by the dancer whose movements become one with the music, and by the lone monk who (supposedly) achieves absolute stillness of mind and spirit. It is the ideal psychological state of harmony and peace.

…And it’s a real bitch to attain.

Every human on the planet has an innate knowledge of nirvana, perhaps from those carefree days in the womb. The trick is to recapture that delirious feeling of safety and sheer bliss.

As we have seen throughout history, attempts to return to the blessed state have involved a dizzying array of practices, but many of history’s grand schemes and experiments have been far too ambitious. Perhaps permanent nirvana is beyond our grasp, but it’s nice to know that little glimmers and spectacular moments are achievable. Whether you take them or leave them is entirely up to you.

You Can’t Take It With You was a wildly successful play by George S. Kaufman and Moss Hart that went on to win a Pulitzer Prize for drama in 1936. In 1938, it was released as a film directed by Frank Capra and starring Jean Arthur, Lionel Barrymore, and Jimmy Stewart.

The premise was simple: A sane girl from a nutty family becomes engaged to a rich boy from a stuffy family. Misunderstandings abound as the rigid stiffs clash with the free-spirited loons, discipline vies with conformity, and hilarity ensues.

But the underlying message of the work itself is not so much metaphorical as it is simple fact: Life is there for the living, and the pressure to measure up to someone else’s imagined ideal is a big bag of shit. In the end, you can’t take it with you.

(Special note: I used to mock the idea of “can’t take it with you” by saying “Of course not, I’m not doing all this so I can take anything ‘with’ me, I’m doing it so I can live a better life NOW.” And yes, that’s right, but it wasn’t the point of the original quote. The original quote was meant to apply to people trying to live in order to please others instead of themselves.)

Bottom line is: What are you living for? What is the point of accumulating massive wealth and never enjoying it? What are you building that’s so damn important, anyway? And if you have kids, wouldn’t you be better off leaving them with a deeply rooted understanding that life is a spectacular adventure to be embraced, rather than leading them to believe the standard old party line of “Go to college, get a job, and work for the rest of your life so your kids might have something better?”

Yes, it’s entirely possible to have the money AND be able to enjoy it; but the problem is, most people go about making money all wrong, and end up wasting their lives in pursuit of the big dream that never quite arrives.

Yes, I’ll be the first to say having money makes life easier. Way easier. But if the way you’re making that money compromises your most valuable asset, your time, then it could lead to serious headaches. Money without happiness is meaningless; I have first-hand experience of that.

Happiness begets more happiness and misery draws in more of the same. Like magnets, we draw unto ourselves that which we emit and we repel that which is contrary to our mindset. Focus on the negative, wallow in your own bad basis, and you will draw even more of it into your orbit. Instead, visualize the life you want, keep it in mind EVERY SINGLE DAY, believe it is happening now, and you will slowly begin to move toward it.

So, if you can’t take it with you, it only makes sense to enjoy it while you’ve got it. Do not waste your power, your energy, your youth, your vitality, or the moment at hand. It will all disappear before you even know it.

And to me personally sitting here just having turned 26 last month, those last few words are a truly frightening thought.

10 Things That Are Temporary

1. Youth

2. Romantic infatuation

3. Six-pack abs

4. Your job

5. Your troubles

6. Professional importance

7. Relationships

8. Debt

9. Hemorrhoids

10. Life itself

Email this post