Have you ever been on one of those teleseminars where they pitch you something?
I have. A shitload of ‘em. And I love it.
Why? Because recording successful teleconferences by well-known pseudo-celebrity marketers is a great way to discover new appeals, offers, and selling strategies that’d otherwise fly under the radar, completely unnoticed. As a copywriter, they’re good as gold.
But they don’t always go as planned. Some of them tear apart at the seams…
…And some of them downright suck.
In February of 2006, famous marketer Jeff Paul (best known for his excellent old “How To Make $4,000 A Day Sitting At Home In Your Underwear” ad) did a joint venture with some idiotic company, pitching some innane “Internet Business In A Box” shit-wad of crapola.
Bad move letting these guys have a free run at your teleseminar list, Jeff.
But as god-awful as the company’s ad was, it’s not the issue here. No, what was most interesting (and hilarious) was what happened AFTER the pitch was over and everybody on the call was supposed to hang up and go buy the latest turd-ball money-making gizmo.
Like all of Jeff’s teleseminar work, I began recording the thing far in advance. But that particular day I hadn’t gotten much sleep the night before and was tired. Real tired.
Within 5 minutes I drifted asleep on the call, while my little digital recorder captured every juicy detail.
When I awoke, the call had been over for 45 minutes! I rustled around, trying to hear what was going on, when some guy on the line belted out, “Who the HELL is still on this line!?!?”
I hung up immediately.
Then I checked the recorder. Tons of bad copy sales drivel. Gobs of it.
But then… something surprising… then funny… then instructive…
As you listen to this recording, keep these things in mind:
1. If you ever joint-venture with someone and let them use your list, YOU BETTER MAKE DAMN WELL SURE YOU KNOW WHAT THEY’RE GOING TO BE PITCHING THEM. In this case it was some fart-worthy product called Ispeedway (Internet Speedway) or whatever. And it was pitched by an obvious recording from some robot pitchman who couldn’t sell water in the desert. Not only does this kind of thing result in poor sales, but it also makes you look like a bumbling doofus to your customer list. Bottom line: Don’t do it. It’s not worth a few bucks to soil the good name you took so long to build.
2. The disconnect between the pitch and the listeners is blindingly obvious here. These guys were not being talked to by someone who understood them and could talk their language. Sure, these guys were looking to make some money, yes, but so is everybody else on the face of the planet. There was no real message-to-market match with this business opportunity (biz-op) market here.
3. Listen to how the biz-op market buyers REALLY talk. Get a feel for it. These guys are YOUR customers too. They are having REAL conversations about this stuff, trying desperately to find solutions to their problems. And what do they get? A buffalo shit-bomb from someone who couldn’t give a damn. Whether you think these guys are very bright or not isn’t the point… they still deserve better. People don’t buy from big companies or faceless robot pitchmen… they buy from PEOPLE… people just like them. And Jeff Paul does an excellent job of that. It’s one of the big reasons he’s so successful. That’s why I still can’t believe he let these numb-nuts use his list.
4. Despite that, it’s still funny to listen to them muse about making money.
Here it is… enjoy…