“How much do I owe you?” she asked.

“$5,000,” was Picasso’s reply.

“$5,000? But it took you only three minutes!” she exclaimed.

“No,” Picasso answered. “It took me all my life.”

Value is a funny thing.

How you value the things you buy, and more importantly how you value yourself and your skills, is literally all in your head. Once you realize what you’re really worth and have the balls to ask for it… eventually getting to the point where you assume your value to be true without question… you’re already rich; the rest is just the mechanics of making it happen.

Successful people say your income (and success in other areas of life) is about the average of your closest 5 friends. So look around. Who do you see? What do you see?

I remember one time my friend Jason was having lunch with some of our old friends from high school. One of them asked him “what Greg was up to” - Jason told them about some of my publishing projects. They sneered.

“Where does Greg get off charging people so much for his books,” one guy said, “It’s robbery. Here I am busting my butt at Lowe’s for $7 bucks an hour and he’s sitting back in some chair selling damn books on the internet.”

Hmm, interesting. Have you heard people talk like this before?

Jason, being the good friend he is, countered with, “Greg’s books are worth every bit he gets for them. They change people’s lives. He gets e-mails from happy customers almost every day. Just because he doesn’t sweat it out and get all dirty doesn’t mean there’s no value. How many people have you helped today?”

My old friends are good people. They mean well. But if I want to have the kind of life I KNOW I can have and be the kind of person I KNOW I can be, I can’t hang around people who think like that anymore. Hear too much of their negative bullshit and you’ll actually start to believe it yourself. And since what you believe is the core of your success, sometimes old friends just have to go.

One of my earliest mentors, Tim Fortier, said something to me that stuck really well: “Find a way to keep getting paid over and over again for the work you did 5 years ago.”

A lot of people have this idea in their head that hours worked equals dollars earned. This is NOT how to get ahead in life; not in here America and not anywhere else. Maybe if we lived forever, but in reality there’s just not enough time out there for any of us to get rich that way. So asking an advice guru how you can get a bump in pay from corporate, is in my opinion, asking the wrong question.

Instead, you need to start thinking more in terms of “what do people want, how much will they pay for it, and how can I provide this thing to as many of these people as possible?”

Yes, this takes time, research, and *gulp* W-O-R-K. But unlike a job where each day starts over from scratch (same $10, $20, $50 per hour today as yesterday), thinking like this will cause the work you do today to keep paying you that same money far into the future - whether you actually continue “working” or not.

There are all kinds of things people say to you every day that can corrupt your mind if you’re not careful.

One I hear in the business opportunity market a lot is when someone comes out with a new “money making system” of some kind (whether it be real estate, internet marketing, or whatever) there will be a handful of guys crawl outta the woodwork with a comment like this:

“Hey if he’s so successful doing this thing, and if he really made $2 million with it last year, then why does he need to sell his package to me for $XXX?”

I used to think this way, years ago. Do you know the answer? If this guy’s so successful and made $2 million last year, why is he selling this package on the internet or TV?

Simple. Because he wants to make $3 million this year.

See, when you get to a certain level, there isn’t some switch that goes off in your mind that says “Ok, I’m done with money now. I’m not worth any more than this right here.”

No. Hell no. Instead it’s more like, “I did $2 million last year. Awesome. Now I wonder if I have it in me to double that over the next 18 months? Of course I can! This is gonna be fun!”

Same goes for all those $100 million CEO “golden parachute” packages you hear demonized in the media. These guys don’t get fired and let go like janitors do because their decisions carry HUGE responsibility, shifting the tide of hundreds of millions of dollars, potentially directing billions just by talking to a few people in a 30 minute meeting. They alone determine the fates of thousands of people, and often they worked blood sweat and tears into getting where they are today, so why shouldn’t they get paid the most??

People also talk about how credit card companies and banks “take advantage” of a helpless public, “conning” them into debt, holding them hostage in monthly payments, “scamming” them out of their homes, and ultimately destroying their lives. I’ve watched 2 documentaries to this effect stitched together by some Michael Moore wannabe’s hoping to make a name for themselves by “exposing” the Great Credit Card Company Satan. They talk about how PayDay Loan shops pop up everywhere (especially around military bases) and milk innocents for insane amounts of cash. They talk about credit card companies making 51% net profit and how that’s just plain WRONG.

Well, they’re right about one thing: America HAS become way too reliant on financing to pay for stuff. And those PayDay Loan joints really ARE every-damn-where. But they’re NOT “scamming” anybody! And advertising and marketing does not wield some magic wand that “forces” people to buy things. People buy what they WANT. All advertising does is take existing desires within a person and show them how they might be fulfilled.

These companies are simply providing something people want (money) to fulfill some need of instant gratification and charging a price for it the customer is AGREEING to well in advance. That’s not a rip-off, that’s good business. If someone gives you money to buy a house, they’re giving you today’s money (value) in exchange for some future profit that might or might not happen. There’s a risk to that, which is why they get paid interest (at a rate that’s clearly indicated in the agreement). And it should come as no surprise to these people when the repo man drops by to yoink the 50-inch plasma screen or their house gets taken away because they can’t foot the bill for all the out of control spending; it was all right there in plain black & white from day one.

Some people just think there’s such a thing as “too much money” for other people - yet they spend on themselves like there’s no tomorrow.

The amount of money you’re comfortable with is the amount of money you have. “Enough” is whatever your subconscious says it is.

I remember back in high school when Jason got a well-paying job at the largest medical clinic in the area for what was relatively little physical work on his part. One day in the hall between classes, our friend Andrew heard the news of Jason’s good fortune. He threw his hand’s up in the air dismissively, and gasped, “Well, HE’S done.”

Done. Jason’s “done” now in Andrew’s eyes because he has a decent job with decent pay. No use playing anymore. Game over. Jason wins. Let’s go home.

This attitude of “enough” is silly and rooted in a poverty-based mindset. Thinking this way can and WILL keep you in the poor house if you let it. The truth is, you’re never really “done” with anything. There is no “grand destination” where you can finally say “Wow. I’ve finally arrived.” Life is always a work in progress and ends only when you die.

As your income goes up, so do your options and preferences. You wouldn’t keep eating out of dumpsters if you had the cash to buy some good food, would you? Well, the same is true for a lot of other things. I stopped eating tuna sandwiches and soup outta cans a long time ago. I stopped buying bad clothes that made me look like a fat loser years ago. Everything gets upgraded once you can afford more. Life isn’t the same ever again.

Some wealth haters profess “money does strange things to people” or “money corrupts.” I say money reveals your “true self.” Meaning, the “self” you secretly always wanted to be but hide from the rest of society out of fear and the lack of ability to fulfill it. For some people this is good and they become like Richard Branson. Others get downright evil.

Why is this? Because of social agreement.

When you really get right down to it, there’s only 3 ways to get somebody else to do something you want:
1. Give them something of value in exchange (like money)
2. Dazzle them with your personality and powers of persuasion, or…
3. Use brute force

Let’s hope you don’t really consider #3 a viable option to attain success. If you do, good luck, I’ll see you in prison or on the run from Feds. So really all that’s left for you to get what you want from others is money (or trade) and the power of your personal charms.

But last time I checked, the cute American Airlines girl at the ticket counter won’t give me a $1,200 round-trip ticket to Europe, no matter how successfully I flirt with her. She’ll lose her job. And since we’re not in Biblical times anymore, no one will take my herd of goats as payment either.

Well damn. I guess that only leaves me with my money.

The point is this: as you increase in wealth, your ability to bypass this social system of agreement goes up as well. And when it does, that’s when people unleash their true desires to buy the $5,000 bottles of wine, the personal “life assistant” who makes $70k a year doing your errands, the 90 room houses, and the $19 million dollar yachts and private planes all while donating to their favorite charity; you just don’t want to deal with all of life’s bullshit anymore. And even better, you don’t have to. Life’s too precious to waste on little indignities. When you reach a certain level, TIME is what really matters; it’s the only thing we all have the same amount of no matter what. So why spend it waiting in line at the metal detector in some airport?

I’ll say it again: money bypasses agreement like nothing else in the world. People who were more or less “good” before they got rich get even better and become shining examples to the world, and the scum of society get even creepier. That doesn’t make money good or bad; it’s just something that is.

I believe there are certain mental money “levels” - kinda like how there are levels in a video game. And just like in the video game, if you make the right moves, you can skip a few at a time.

Here’s what I mean:

Let’s say you’re like I was when I was first starting out, making a simple $100 per week. Wasn’t much, but it was awesome to a kid who was used to having nothing at all.

When you’re used to a bank balance of ZERO - anything sounds fantastic. But here’s the funny thing about money: when you’re used to zero, then once you get anything MORE than zero, something inside you feels “weird” - uncomfortable just holding on to it - you feel compelled to spend it as soon as possible on something you think you want. And pretty soon, that $100 is long gone and you’re back to zero… which is where your mind says you belong.

This is the basic theme of how poor people stay poor, and how you can even give a man $1 million in Lucky-Lotto winnings only to find his life worse off 2 years later than how it was when you left him. By giving him the huge influx of cash, you skipped too many mental money levels than what he was used to (or could handle), sending his mind into a tailspin resulting in reckless spending on a bunch of crap that doesn’t benefit him for any length of time.

The same holds true for $1,000 , $10,000 , $20,000 , $50k, $100k, a million, all the way up to infinity. Whatever you believe you’re “supposed” to have is how much you actually will have when it’s all said and done. Each one of these steps is a level.

So how do you get to the next level?

Well… I don’t know about other people but for me, it was always borne out of strict personal discipline. One time when I was making a lot of money selling Oreck air purifiers nationwide, for the first time in my life I could afford expensive things. For one, I wanted a Bow-Flex so I could do all kinds of exercises at home and wouldn’t have to trek to the gym every day.

I almost bought one… but I didn’t. I resisted the urge. I said to myself “damnit Greg, if you do that, what will you have left? Don’t you wanna actually BUILD something with your money this time?”

Yes, I did. So I made the decision and (except for the new Dell computer I bought my girlfriend at the time to thank her for helping me) held back on any expense that wasn’t absolutely necessary.

And it paid off. Soon, the amount of money that used to drive me crazy wanting to spend, became normal to me. When a certain amount of money becomes NORMAL to you, that’s when you’ve moved to the next level. If it’s not normal for you, keep it awhile, hold on to it and let it grow on you. Eventually the money you have and the income you’re experiencing will feel “normal.” Now you’re really moving forward.

So to a guy like Picasso in the example I gave at the beginning, he was a guy who KNEW what he was worth, was COMFORTABLE asking for the price, and could look you in the eye and honestly make YOU believe it too. There was no problem. Success was assumed. It was normal.

Just because something took 5 minutes on a paper napkin doesn’t make it crap; it could be a famous drawing or a multi-million dollar business model. Just because it took me 2 days to write a report that’s made over $200,000 and helped thousands of people doesn’t somehow make it a bad thing.

There is no “fairness.” You do not get what you “deserve.” Time does not equal money.

VALUE equals money. Go create some. Give people what they want and they will pay you handsomely for it.

Your customers will certainly treat you with more fairness than any employer ever would.

Ready?

Here it is:

You know those guys who are good with women, guys who are happy with the women in their lives, and guys who can get a new girl with no more effort than some people put into ordering lunch…?

You know those guys? Well…

They don’t “know” more than you.

They don’t necessarily DO more than you, either.

No. The one key to their success lies in the WAY they do things.

The thing you’re missing is in your BODY, not your brain!

It’s how you move, it’s how you stand, it’s how you look at her. Women can know your mind only when you speak… but they can feel your BODY from 20 feet away. And that feeling tells them a LOT really FAST. Women trust this kind of information more than anything you could possibly say.

Think about it. Have you ever heard a woman say something like “I don’t know, I guess he seemed kinda nice, but… there was just something creepy about him.” Or, “Oh my god, I met this amazing guy today… we were just looking at each other and didn’t even know what to say and it was this incredible experience!”

Yes! THAT’S the difference. Believe it. This is POWERFUL stuff.

Today is your chance to learn how to train your body… or I should actually say “RE-train” it. Because right now you’re probably held down by old, BAD PROGRAMMING that smears your chances with most women before you even have a chance to say “hello.”

(And by the way, it’s NOT your fault, either. Not everybody can grow up with an alpha-male father who showed you how to kick ass on the playground. I certainly didn’t. Some of us have to learn this the hard way, but that’s the good news. It CAN be learned! You can change everything and have success!)

Once you learn what physical confidence is and how to develop it, you’ll find the girls around you reacting differently… VERY DIFFERENTLY… simply by you existing in the same room with them.

See, most women are sizing you up from the second they notice your presence. And by the time you open your mouth, before you even say a single word… they’ve got you “figured out.”

Now you can whine and complain about how much that sucks and how unfair it is (as I used to) or you can reframe it and instead realize that “wait a second… if my initial success is mostly determined in the first 10 seconds… then how much would things change if I only PERFECTED my first impression?”

Yes, it really can be THAT easy…

…because sometimes the ONLY difference between a “confident” stance in the room that attracts women and a wussy one that repels them is JUST A FEW FEET, SOMETIMES ONLY A FEW INCHES.

At first your success will seem weird, almost magical, voodoo-like. Whatever. Just accept it and keep practicing until your old habits are wiped away, and replaced with the newer, more attractive ones I’m going to tell you. When you get to the point where you don’t even THINK about it anymore… congratulations, you’ve arrived.

Ok, so I’m sure you’ve heard tons of women say how important “confidence” is. But have you ever thought about what that really MEANS? Sure, it sounds cool, but what does it actually translate into you DOING?

Well, here’s the raw meat:

6 Body Language Mistakes Guys Make All The Time, And How To Fix Them

Mistake #1. Bad stance, bad walk

This includes body rocking, figiting, playing with random shit in your pockets, and appearing “closed off” to the world instead of “opened up” and friendly.

Let’s talk about that last one first: A lot of guys think it’s cool to “look cool” like you don’t give a shit about anything… but in reality, this only makes them LESS attractive for women to approach. It’s far better (and easier) to look open and friendly, than it does to be cool and reserved.

Also, too many of us look caved in like we’re eternally wallowing in our own self pity. Obviously, this is incredibly unattractive. But you’re communicating it every time you rock back and forth on your feet while you’re talking, every time you look down away from someone who’s talking to you, every time you jangle those keys in your pocket, or even sticking your hands in your pockets at all.

If what I just said sounds like you, go see the unflinching Clint Eastwood in movies like The Good, The Bad, The Ugly, A Fistfull of Dollars, or A Few Dollars More. Other good guys to watch are Paul Newman and Steve McQueen. If you can occupy space like how these guys do, your awkwardness will die forever.

In the meantime, here’s what you can do:

The fix: As for your general stance when you’re “just standing there” - if you’re ever in a bind and don’t know what to do, just stand there like you’re admiring an awesome piece of art on the wall.  Hands at your side, NOT in your pockets. Always remember: UP and OUT, with regards to your spine and chest. You should stand straight UP, with your chest OUT. (But DON’T expose your neck.) Feet flat on the floor, weight spread an even 50-50. Rock solid. When you’re first getting used to it, this might feel a little silly - BUT HEED MY WORDS: that’s what I used to think until I started doing it. The very first day I was practicing, I did it at the Cheesecake Factory while waiting for my table. Within 30 seconds, out of the corner of my eye, I saw this incredibly cute girl; looked just like Lisa Loeb, glasses and all. She approached me cold and we just started talking. Amazing. Ever since then it’s worked every day for me. DO IT.

Walking is similar, except you’re confidently gliding across the floor instead of standing around. The key here is to never hesitate; always know where you’re going and step confidently to get there. Don’t linger mid-step. Don’t crane your neck. That’s how clumsiness happens. If you need to look around and assess the situation, stop, then do what you need to do. Try to look more with your eyes and less with your head. It’s not attractive to go around flailing everywhere.

Now as for sitting, what you should do is sit asymmetrically (uneven), taking up as much space as you can and still be comfortable. Back mostly straight. Legs apart, feet flat on the floor. Don’t use your hands to rest your head UNLESS you’re bored. OWN your space. Consume it. You will get respect. Remember the quote: “Where ever I am is the place to be.” Why? Because you’re awesome. If you choose to be somewhere out of all your other options, then it MUST be “The Place To Be.”

A small note on crossing your legs: In general, it’s a risky move. If you put your ankle on your knee you show everyone an unflattering look at your dirty soles and violate the body language rule of blocking yourself off from people. Cross your legs at the knee and you look feminine like a woman. I think it’s obvious why you wouldn’t want that. So in general, don’t do it UNLESS you’re wanting to either “reward” a particular woman for “good behavior” (meaning, she did something you liked) or “punish” a particular woman for “bad behavior” (meaning, she didn’t comply with something you wanted.) If you’re going to do this, you do it with the ankle-to-knee method - cross your legs AWAY from her (shut her out from your body) whenever you want to convey disinterest in her and cross them TOWARD her (open her up to your body) to display interest and affection.

Mistake #2. Holding a “crutch”

Have you seen those guys walking around at parties with drinks in their hands, held up to their chest? Have you ever BEEN one of those guys? If so, knock it off! This one small act is killing your chances for women who would like to approach you and say something. Yes, it’s weird and yes its irrational, but it’s just how we human beings are wired; if someone is blocking their chest, or any vital organs at all (like the heart, lungs, groin, etc) then they are instantly 1000 times less likely to be approached than guys who are open and free. Also, it’s often these SAME GUYS who will take a swig of their drink or a drag on their cigarette the first split-second of discomfort they feel, which is SOON and OFTEN. This silently broadcasts to the room (especially women) “hey guys, look at me, I’m insecure!” It’s a major turnoff and if you’re paying attention, you can actually SEE the exact moment you lose the person you’re talking to or deflect the approach you would’ve gotten.

The fix: The easiest is to NOT carry a drink or cigarette or whatever AT ALL… but since you’re gonna have to eventually program your mind to not use some object as a protective crutch at social gatherings, here’s what I suggest: If you must carry such a thing around with you, for christsakes keep it DOWN and AT YOUR SIDE. Even if it’s a glass of wine, just scoop the bottom of the glass with your palm and hold it low and to the left. As low as you can. Then whenever you bring it up for a sip, maintain eye contact with the person you’re talking to until the very last moment (or even better, maintain eye contact if you can.) Then bring it back down and outta the way.

Mistake #3. Not “locking in”

This one is MAJOR. Understand this and get it right, and you’ll have crazy success. Basically “locking in” encompasses 2 concepts:

1. Never being alone when you’re “just standing around” and…
2. Never being on the “outside” of a conversation

Here’s what I mean:

Let’s say you’re in a room with a lot of people and notice a guy talking to some girls over at the bar. The girls are up against the bar, and he’s on the outside facing in at them. (Or instead of a bar, this could just as easily take place up against a wall, or among some chairs, couches, whatever.) Either way, the man in this situation is in a BAD position of lower social value than the people he’s talking to. Think about it. Notice how he looks to both the girls and everyone else in the room. Obviously he’s an outsider, a guy who doesn’t belong with those girls. Why? He’s on the outside, they’re on the inside. He obviously approached them and is now trying to get something from them. He’s not “locked in.”

This is important: It may seem like a little thing, but INCREDIBLE events will happen to you if you start locking yourself in as soon as possible into every social environment you enter. Often times this not only means moving yourself INTO a lock-in position (up against the wall or bar, seated among the friends at the table, etc) but also moving the girl you’re talking to into the outside place you once stood.

Hmmm… NOW what does it look like? Looks like SHE’S the one hitting on YOU!

It looks different to everyone in the room and it FEELS different for her. And believe me, it WILL make a difference in how the girls interact with you and how easy it will be for you to interact with others in the room later on.

Locking in can also be used with your own friends, or when you’re completely alone in a new environment. Leaning up against a wall or something using the right stance is far better than pacing around the room, like you’re nervously waiting for something to happen. You need to always look like you have a definite PURPOSE as to why you’re there and be SURE about who you are and why you’re right there instead of someplace else. This feeling will radiate to everyone else in the room, and if you combine it with appearing friendly and open (like I talked about above in #1), you make it easy for women to approach you.

One time I was waiting outside a courtroom for jury duty, propped up against one of the big marble pillars there like I owned the place. Up from the middle of the room came this absolutely beautiful girl who walked over about 20 feet and then stopped about 4 feet from me, just lingering there, messing around with her bag and playing with her hair, obviously HOPING I’d notice her and talk to her.

Another time I was at a wine party. “Let’s try this lock-in stuff,” I said to myself. So I sat down with my legs crossed (closed off toward the wall, but open toward the crowd of people), leaned back, and spread out like I owned the joint. Not 3 sips of wine later did I have this gorgeous black woman introducing herself to me, asking to sit down, complimenting me on my fake Adidas shoes (she thought they were real, I didn’t argue), and simply would NOT let me leave until she forced her phone number and e-mail address on me.

This kind of stuff happens all the time. I don’t do anything fancy. I just get “locked in” and posture my body differently than how I used to.

Mistake #4. Not being “present”

Women have special radar built in to detect whenever a guy isn’t really “there” with them. Right now. In the moment. The lights are on but nobody’s home. They can tell with stunning accuracy the second you leave your body and enter your mind.

The difference is like night and day.

This is often the thing that kills attraction before it even has time to grow. If you approach a woman while stuck in your head and not feeling “present” in your body, not sensing her in her body, and not aware of the environment around you - you’re toast.

Presence is a difficult one for a lot of guys to master, especially in today’s world of virtual interactions and gadgetry that have all but taken the place of normal physical activity. A lot of us grew up with computers, cell phones, and the internet and the price we paid for convenience is forgetting what it’s like to FEEL - to become fully AWARE of what is happening right now.

Here’s a funny video I recently uploaded to YouTube that will help you understand “presence” a little more. It’s a comedy sketch about a guy who loses his edge at work, so his boss sends him on a retreat to reconnect with his “inner self.” It’s funny, but a good reminder of how important it is to get out of your head and into your body.

The fix:

Anyway, to help with this, here is what you do:

Step 1 is to become aware of YOURSELF. Start by noticing your breathing in and out. You should start to calm down. Become aware of how the air feels, how your hands feel as you touch your chair, and how your feet feel as they touch the floor. Notice the texture of things. Feel it. Loosen up your shoulders by moving them around in a circle, maybe massage them a little. If you have to, jump around some, exercise - hell, even slapping yourself across the face or hitting your chest a few times will knock some sense into you. Whatever you do, FEEL it.

Step 2 is becoming aware of the person you’re with. Stop trying to think of “what you’ll say next” and just exist right there in the moment with her. The words will come to you. Lock eyes. Notice her facial expressions and what she does with her body.

Step 3 is being aware of your environment. Is someone about to bump into you? Her? Are the drinks coming soon? What’s going on?

The weird thing about presence is when you’re “trying” to be present, you’re not really present. But when you LET GO of yourself and forget about whether you’re present or not or what you’re “supposed” to be doing, you’re probably doing very well.

By the way, a good mindset to have at parties and clubs is that you’re the club owner and you’re just going around to everyone in the room and making sure they’re all having the best time possible. This gets you present and in front of a lot of people in a short period of time.

This whole thing will take some practice, especially if you’ve never taken martial arts, fencing, yoga, or something like that. Those things help you feel your body and own your space. It’s well worth the payoff. Your life will never be the same.

Mistake #5. Pecking

Has anyone ever come up to you in a noisy bar or club, and when they said something to you, you leaned in a few inches to “hear” them better?

Well, stop it.

This is called “pecking” because every time you lean in to “hear” you’re pecking at the person like an old hen. And think about it; does moving in a few measly inches REALLY make it easier to hear what they’re saying?

No. Of course not.

But somehow we’ve been trained to peck, and it’s hurting your social value big time. Why? Because it subconsciously communicates to other people that you “need” something from them. And in evolutionary terms, the needy guy does not get the best food, and certainly doesn’t get the best women.

The fix: Instead of pecking, you need to train yourself to just STAY STILL whenever someone speaks to you. Maintain that confident look and space-consuming posture. Don’t worry, you’ll hear them just fine. Even if you don’t just say “What?” and they’ll peck at you. The moment you start leaning into a woman, especially a group of women, you’re silently telling them you need them and their attention. Instead, you want them to be needing you and your attention.

Mistake #6. Following

This is a lot like pecking, except you do it with your whole body.

You should always be the leader, not the follower. If a group of women pass by while you’re locked in against the wall, just say what you’re going to say, only LOUDER. Don’t follow them so they can hear you. The second you take one step toward them, you’ve lost them forever. However, if you simply TALK LOUDER, even as they move away from you, they should turn around and come back eventually.

This also holds true for stores. If you’re with your girl in a store, she should be following your lead most of the time. If she wants to go off on her own for a bit and look at something, great. Let her. Meanwhile, you know why you’re there and you have things you want to look at too. Don’t worry, she’ll soon realize you’re not there. This will make her feel uncomfortable and she’ll come back to you pronto.

I can remember the very first date I ever went on. First time in public with a girl ever. At one point we were in the mall and I did the complete opposite of what I’m telling you here. Followed her around the whole place like a little lost puppy. Very unattractive behavior, and a little embarrassing for me to admit here on my blog.

If this sounds like you, it’s time to change. From now on, be the leader, not the follower. Sometimes this means going to a place several times before you finally go there with her, so you’ll know where everything is. Knowing the place inside out is a great way to naturally become “the leader.”

That’s enough to get you started for now. Once you have some success with this stuff, you’ll quickly see how important it all really is. What was really a breakthrough for me was realizing that the spoken part of my conversations with women was really just an EXCUSE to display our UNspoken attraction cues to each other.

Woah. Think about that for a minute.

In the beginning, however many millions of years ago, all we had as a species was body language. It’s how we knew to trust each other, fight each other, or whatever. A lot of it is still with us today. And if you take the time to master it, you can have some incredible successes at work, with friends, and of course, attracting women.

And what did you do?

That’s easy. You did what you do every time: nothing.

Not a damn thing.

She paid for her coffee and walked out. And you’ll never see her again.

It’s happened to all of us. But you shouldn’t feel bad about it. No, you should feel terrible. Awful. Horrible. Downright pissed this is the reality you’re living in.

Why?

Because getting angry at a sucky reality the first step to stopping this pattern and changing your life forever. In fact, getting all riled up is the #1 hidden driver of a lot of those “rags to riches” success stories you hear all the time.

Listen: Life is short. Youth is even shorter. And you better forget about some mystical being or unseen hand of fate guiding you to your perfect soul mate because it ain’t happenin’. Even if it did, is she really the best girl just because she was so easy to meet? I mean, if you ran a company would you hire the first person to breeze through the door and talk up a good game?

What I’m going to tell you will be the first step - the crucial first key - to a life a thousand times happier, with no pressure, comfortable in almost any situation.

Nah, this is even bigger than that.

I’m talking about feeling settled with yourself the way a bar of gold is solid. I’m talking about the ability to command a room, your problems meeting women half-solving themselves before you even consider them. I’m talking about nothing less than a life free of limitations that’ve held you hostage, hog-tied your thinking for all these years, forcing you to settle for everything less than what you REALLY want.

And this transformation all begins as quickly, as easily, as a few little tricks…

…because, for most guys… the problem’s all in your head.

This is important: Your “frame” in life - your mental concept of who you are and how the world works - your assumptions - your idea of what’s “normal” in your life versus what’s uncommon or “weird” - is the basis for EVERYTHING you will ever do, feel, or experience.

Your frame determines how easily you move through life, how much money you draw in, and yes… especially what kind of women you attract, and how many.

Guys who are successful in business & with money, and guys who attract the best women strain and stress themselves out over their success no more than you do when ordering lunch. Now that DOESN’T mean they didn’t work hard to get where they are. That’s not what I mean. Performing the actions to make something happen and struggling with weird shit in your mind are two completely different things. What I mean is these guys are CONFIDENT in their success; ASSUME that it will happen (the possibility of it not happening doesn’t even enter the mind) and are rather surprised when gates of opportunity DON’T seem to automatically open for them.

Nothing is ever “weird” as in “Wow, this is so weird, I can’t believe this hot girl is so into me!” …Instead, the successful man thinks, “Of course she’s into me. This happens all the time. I’m a real catch. Of course she’s laughing. I’m fun to be around. I think I like her too, but I want to wait awhile and see for sure.”

Successful men in a particular area of life often have a strong frame in that area.

Unsuccessful men have weak frames.

It’s possible to have a strong frame when it comes to business, but instantly turn pansy when it comes to women. That’s OK - but you first need to realize it and acknowledge it.

They key to changing this is first realizing what a strong frame sounds like, then think about all the areas of your life where this is NOT the case, but you would like to change.

7 Examples of What It Means To Have A Strong Frame

#1. I’ve already given you this one above, with the thinking of “Of course she’s into me. This happens all the time. I’m a real catch. Of course she’s laughing. I’m fun to be around. I think I like her too, but I want to wait awhile and see for sure.”

This frame assumes you are a man of confidence who doesn’t jump the gun. Just because she’s good looking doesn’t automatically score her a ton of points with you. You’re a man who bides his time, waiting to discover her true value, if any. You don’t know yet. Beauty is common to you; it’s in your life everywhere you go. What’s rare is a woman with a passion for life that compliments your desires and beliefs. And when you do discover these traits in a woman, you let her know it because you are a man of integrity; you’re the same man on the outside as you are on the inside.

#2. One time I was at the post office, and took special notice of one of the employees. This guy was impeccably groomed and as stylishly dressed as a man can be in a U.S.P.S. uniform. He wore latex surgical gloves while handling the mail and serving the customers. He was uncommonly polite but in a firm, forceful way… like when he spoke, there was no doubt in his mind, no backtracking, no apologies as to what was coming out. He stood there, physically, on the most solid ground and looked you right in the eye.

And then, across the room, a fellow postal employee reached his hand into a bag and pulled out some kind of snack. Tasting it, he exclaimed, “Wow, these things you gave me are really good!”

The gentleman’s replied without even looking at him, “I don’t eat anything that’s not.”

Don’t you see?

His mindset: “Of course they’re good. I don’t eat anything that isn’t good. If I give you something to try, it’s going to be good. Why? Because it’s coming from me. The notion that this is somehow strange to you, a foreign concept, is barely worth my time.”

That’s a strong frame.

#3. Some people say things like “Life is unfair.” They whine and complain, accepting their lot in life because of this perceived unfairness. I mean, why even try? Life is unfair and will just beat you back down anyways.

This is a weak frame. Here’s how to spin it into a strong frame:

“Yes, life is unfair… but you know what? That’s the best news I’ve heard all day. Because if life was fair, I’d never be able to have this awesome house I want, a totally hot girlfriend, and extra cash to blow. If life was ‘fair’, we’d all be down at the bread and soup lines for 2 hours every day for handouts. If life was ‘fair’, the lazy could have all the stuff I had to work my butt off for, and there would be no incentive. Life is unfair, and I couldn’t be happier.”

#4. Recently I was at a gas station paying for my gas when I overheard a well-dressed black man (many of whom have very strong frames and are good to be friends with, by the way) say to this lady, “I don’t have a girlfriend. I have a woman.”

Because in his mind, there’s a difference. And he knows it when he sees it. He’s sure of himself and his decisions. Girls are a waste of time. But a real woman is really something.

#5. In clubs or any sizable social gathering, there’s a good line to use that demonstrates strong frame and value. And it’s this: When you’re talking to a girl you like and want to eliminate all her other options from her mind, simply say “C’mon, I’ll introduce you to any guy in here, and I promise you he’ll not be nearly as interesting as me and my friends right here.”

She’ll most likely decline, and at that point you have her undivided attention.

And if she doesn’t? Well, aren’t you really the most interesting?

Strong frame.

#6. Having a big complex story to tell your buddies about how you got this one awesome girl is weak frame material. Because if you truly had a strong frame, your success would be assumed. In fact, you’re not even really sure HOW you did it. The guys ask, “How did you get her?” You’re just like “Well, I don’t know, I just kinda went over there and…???” In other words, if this really was YOUR reality and this sort of thing happened all the time, there would be no story to tell.

#7. The general idea of strong frames is “This is MY reality. You are a guest. I am in control. Things don’t happen TO me, I MAKE things happen. I am a CAUSE in the world, not an effect. Success just happens. It’s easy.”

Weak frames are rooted in your own beliefs about yourself…

For example, some guys think they’ve got to sacrifice everything to get the best women. The most shocking and surprising thing is - what creates loyalty and respect is actually the exact opposite of sacrificing.

Quality women look first to see if they can make their man stronger - amazing women are loyal to men whose lives they contribute to, to men who they can make stronger, and to men who share their strength with them without any appearance of effort or sacrifice at all.

Quality women want a guy they can make a lot better, especially if she’s going to stick with him for the long run. Great women want a man who is stronger through being with her, not weaker. They certainly don’t want a man who sacrifices everything, does things he doesn’t like to do, and gives everything he has to her even at his own expense. It just doesn’t make sense to them.

The more you allow your woman to contribute to improving your life, the more loyal she will become and the more she will like and respect you.

That “allow” part is key. Quality women love to do great things to make their man stronger and contribute to his life. Great women want to do these amazing things for you so that you can grow with her. Most men can’t accept this and simply reject or refuse contribution - huge mistake.

It’s important to start by simply allowing her to do great things for you. Try and notice in just a week, how many times your girl will offer to help make your life better. Every time you refuse her offers, you in fact reject her. It hurts her badly, and slowly with time, she might give up trying to make you stronger altogether. Relationships, and people in general cannot grow like this. It’s a shame.

So why the hell do guys do this?

Well, let’s go back to another little story.

Here, imagine yourself in this situation:

You’re at a crosswalk in the city, waiting for the light to turn green. A beautiful woman approaches, joining beside you. As the two of you wait to cross the street, you feel that familiar anxiety welling up inside.

You want to talk to this woman. You want to say something, anything that’ll make her smile, feel comfortable, and notice you for who you really are. You want to attract her.

Instead, you nervously look straight ahead. Moments pass. The light changes. She walks. You blew your one and only chance.

Why didn’t you say anything?

Now imagine the exact same crosswalk scenario again. You. The Woman. The Light.

Waiting.

Out of the corner of your eye, you see a car, a maniac out of control, careening toward the beautiful creature standing beside you. It’s all happening so fast. You’re the only one who notices.

Ask yourself: Would you shove the beautiful woman out of the way to save her life, or would you just stand there, and do nothing???

Most men, even the weakest frames among us, would save the girl if they could.

Now ask yourself: Why would you shy away from uttering so much as a word in scenario #1… but you would interrupt her life without a second thought, knocking her to the ground to save her from a madman?

…because in saving her, your mind understands how you’re adding value to her life, so you do it without hesitation… but when you simply want to talk to her, you freeze and lock up, because you don’t feel like her life will be better afterward as a result. You feel you have no value to add. You have serious doubts crippling you from success before you even try. She is the prize, and who are you? Just some schlub.

See, the problem is - you don’t feel like you’re valuable enough to enhance her life. You don’t feel like you “deserve” this woman.

A lot of men feel they’re not good enough, so they compensate by showing her they’ll sacrifice everything. They won’t allow her to contribute - instead, they establish the frame of “the guy has to do everything, pay for everything, work hard… sacrifice.”

Great men (men with strong frames) know they deserve a lot of great things from the world, especially from their partner, so they come to expect a lot out of the people around them.

A great man expects his woman to contribute to his life. In return, he becomes even stronger for her, and helps her grow stronger alongside him. Two people growing together, enhancing one another’s lives. What could be more wonderful?

Most high quality women realize the best men will expect a lot from them, whereas guys who don’t feel worthy will sacrifice their livelihood, voluntarily castrating themselves from their true desires.

This partially explains why a lot of really beautiful, intelligent women cut and run when a guy starts sacrificing too much.

Remember: Great women want to contribute to a quality man’s life, not have a guy who becomes a martyr, carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders trying to impress her. When you get her contributing to your life and doing great things to make YOU better, and you share your strength with her, making HER better - that’s what creates real loyalty.

By simply allowing your woman to do her thing and help you grow day by day, you are on the right track. By demanding the best out of her and the people around you, you will start to realize your true potential as a high quality man.

Those mental “tricks” I mentioned at the beginning are real, but this is only the beginning of a long journey. In the near future I’ll show you some ways to begin to DEVELOP a strong frame like the ones I’ve been talking about here.

Until then, hopefully this opened up your mind and got you thinking about your life. If you don’t like what you see, now’s the time to do something about it.

If not now, when? And if not you, who?

It was from a company I’d never heard of before called Finbarr International, based out of England.

Being a copywriter and therefore in the ad business myself, I’m always up for soaking in the persuasion language from just about anywhere. In fact it’s one of the main reasons I subscribe to a lot of different publications - to keep tabs on what different businesses are doing out there.

After reading this one over a couple times, I called my then-girlfriend and read it to her over the phone, which seemed to genuinely freak her out. She said I should be spending my money on my “wonderful girlfriend” rather than on some “creepy word.” She pleaded with me not to order, suggesting superstition or possibly something satanic, but I was adamant. I had to find out what this thing really was.

Here was what the ad said:

The Lost Word of Power

SECRET OF THE AGES REVEALED

Previously hidden. Known only to adepts.

The purchaser of this monograph is cautioned not to divulge it to others. It is the one supreme Word. It is easy to pronounce. It cannot be revealed here. Within it is the heartbeat of the Cosmos.

How to use the Word is revealed in The Lost Word Of Power, a four page pamphlet by Frater E.L. Francis.

The Word is made up of only four letters and can be spoken anywhere and at any time you need it.

We first published this monograph in 1985. Readers reported “miracles.” One man wrote “The effects are beyond anything I could possibly imagine… It is worth more than all the money in the world.” Another man who had failed with visualization, rituals etc. wrote: “With The Lost Word I actually got aid when I needed it. In fact, I’m still getting it.” (photocopies of these actual testimonials available on request.)

It is the one Word the owner of Finbarr International uses when the need presents itself.

The Word brings immediate peace and enlightenment.

It is the one Word that encapsulates cosmic energy. It is the most powerful Word in the Universe and was never revealed - as best we know - before the publication of this monograph.

Use this Word to gain the strength to face any situation.

Use this Word for Divine Revelation.

The origins of the Word are lost in the mists of time.

It was the Name of Power in Ancient Egypt. It was used to speak things into existence.

Humankind merely discovered the Word. It was always there.

The Word BRINGS SAFETY FROM PHYSICAL INJURY. Speak it when you feel threatened. It awakens the protective energies of the Universe.

The Word brings a sharp, immediate increase in mystical consciousness. It awakens psychic powers. It can give you visions of the unknown. I can give you glimpses of the future. It brings healing to the body and peace to the soul.

This monograph explains the Word in four phases. You will learn all you need to know in half an hour reading this monograph. It explains the Construction Of The Word; its Ying Yang, genderless expression of the Cosmos; and the Invocation of Cosmic Energy.

Even if you don’t understand the cosmic principles involved, it doesn’t matter. What matters is speaking the Word.

Speaking the Word can bring results that some describe as “Miraculous.”

If you believe in nothing else in this world then believe in this one Word. It will perhaps do for you what nothing else can. It is the ultimate prayer. It can be spoken anywhere, anytime you need it.

Whatever you seek in life - peace, happiness, love, health, riches - just name it; and for as long as your wish does not violate the Cosmic Law, this Word will bring you nearer to its fulfillment.

THIS IS NOT A GIMMICK.

The author of this monograph is an Adept of the Secret Arts. Initiates confirm its authenticity.

Finbarr is proud to be publisher.

What wonders can it perform for you?

I could’ve written a better (more emotional, rhythmic) ad, but this one from Finbarr still really got me. Due to the low price, it was obviously a lead generation piece designed to draw as many orders out of the publication as possible so the company could add names to their house file and make their profit on the back-end follow-up sales (something Finbarr is exceptional at, by the way).

So I made out an envelope, wrote my check, and shipped it off to Folkestone, Kent England to let Finbarr know I wanted The Lost Word of Power.

A couple weeks later, I get this little brown envelope in the mail stamped from Deutsche Post.

The Lost Word of Power had arrived.

Silly as it may seem, my girlfriend’s words of warning and my friend Jason’s classic doubt (as in “uhhh, I don’t know about this, Greg”) haunted me. For a long time, I just sortof put the thing up on my shelf and never really looked at it.

And there it lay. For over a year.

Then one day as I stocked my bookshelves after moving to St. Louis in August 2007, the little brown envelope slipped out of a stack of papers, bringing me face-to-face with The Word.

By this time, I was no longer with Christine and my and Jason’s attitudes about a lot of things “spiritual” had changed so drastically… I figured “what the hell”, pulled out the little pamphlet, and sunk into my big fluffy black leather couch to read.

It begins by explaining how the Lost Word is in fact a mantra, consisting of male and female vowel sounds, and is thus the ideal expression of the dual energy called “nous”, which is apparently the force of all creation.

Then it quotes John 1:1,3 -

“In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God… All things were made by Him; and without Him was not anything made that was made.”

I think this is used to at least partially explain why the ancient Egyptian priests used the Word to “speak things into existence.” …or, so they say.

It goes on to explain how the mantra represents the logos; the cosmic energy out of which all creation came. The principles concerning the dymanics of this energy “rest upon the proper use of scientifically constructed vowel sounds.”

Saying this Word is supposed to affect you physically, mentally, and spiritually. By chanting the Word, “an aura, or field of vibration, of very high refinement, is set up around the body of the chanter. This field of vibration has a particular effect on the environment. On the mystical level, the chanter has become attuned to the source of energy itself. This attunement is realized as he is made aware of an increase in the sharpness of his mystical consciousness. Lastly, on the psychological level, the mind is refreshed because of the quickening of the psychic centres.”

Ok, but… is any of this actually real?

THAT is something you’ll have to discover for yourself.

I did some research on possible alternate meanings of the Word and found something similar (but not pronounced the same) in ancient Buddhism linked to a demon who tried to tempt Buddha with visions of a bunch of beautiful women. In Buddhist cosmology, a similar word personifies unskillfulness, and the “death” of the spirtual life by making the mundane alluring, or the negative seem positive.

Weird stuff.

Anyway, the Lost Word of Power is MARA - pronounced as “Mmmaaahhh Rrrraaahhh.” (The A is like the one in “father” - unlike the Buddhist “Mara” pronounced “May-ruh”) In mantra form, it’s supposed to be chanted on the note of A natural, above middle C.

The pamphlet goes on to explain cosmic energy in more depth and provide 2 experiments you can do with the Word to feel its power. On the back page it closes with an omnious warning never to ignore any directives given to you as a result of successfully using the Word - “…this will prove most disappointing” it says.

Do I know what any of this really means? Does any of this have a basis in reality or was it just made up by some random guy a long time ago to mess with people?

There’s a reason I filed this one away in the “Strange and Unknown” section here on my site.

Either way, Finbarr International is one of the most interesting mail order companies I’ve ever seen. They’ve got some good ads too. And since then, I’ve bought a number of their little books for no other reason than just to see what this stuff was all about.

As a copywriter, you always want your ad to have a certain degree of “magic pill” feeling about it. That always sells far better than “cold hard reality” - but there’s a fine line you must walk to never go overboard with magic pill selling so that your ad draws too much attention to itself and becomes “hokey” and unbelievable, or that you’re TOO cautious and lose sales.

So it’s worth studying the works of a company like Finbarr that literally sells magic in most of their products. From what I understand, they’re the largest publisher of their kind in the world.

If you’d like to get on their fascinating mailing list, write to:

Finbarr International
5 Godwyn Road
Folkestone, Kent CT20 2QQ
England

Guaranteed to be some of the most bizarre books you’ll ever see advertised.

It was called “The I Ching” - Chinese for “The Book of Changes.” My friend Jason also nabbed him a copy at the same time I got mine.

The book was thick. It looked like a daunting read about a subject of questionable value, and since we always had something else “better” to read or a business project to work on, neither of us really paid it much attention.

Until one night, we got bored. And finally we cracked the thing open to see what it was all about.

The I Ching is an ancient Chinese divination system of predicting how your current situation in life will change, or in other words, a way to predict your own future without needing any special powers, spells, potions, or whatever.

Despite all the junk information out there on the internet (especially the confusing Wikipedia article) it’s all really very simple and easy to do in your own bedroom.

Here’s how it works:

Your first step is to ask a question of the text about your life. Speak it and write it down.

The I Ching is based on a series of 6 binary (yes/no, true/false) decisions that are often decided by tossing 3 coins to the ground in the same way a guy at the craps table in Vegas would roll dice. When I do it, I like to use 3 quarters, but really any coin will do.

Each one of these coin tosses will produce either a positive (yes/true/yang) or negative (no/false/yin) result. If the coins are mostly tails, you draw a straight line. If they are mostly heads, you draw a broken line. Continue tossing the coins and drawing one line on top of the other until you have 6 lines.

Something like this:

Six lines stacked on top of each other (from bottom to top) is called a hexagram… which, by the way, has absolutely no relation to geometry’s hexaGON (as I was first confused about.)

In the I Ching, there are 64 possible combinations of doing this, so hence, 64 different possible fortunes. This is what reading the actual I Ching book will tell you; it’s to serve more as a look-up guide book of REFERENCE for these hexagrams than it is some tome you sit down and read from cover to cover.

So after you have your hexagram, the next step is to look it up in the book so you can read its meaning. The meaning derived from the hexagram is supposed to give you guidance on the future.

Easy enough… but does it really work?

This part is a little weird.

In one round when I asked about my financial life and the success of an upcoming business project, the I Ching called me “a prince trapped in a golden carriage”, leg broken and bloodied with difficulty moving, storm clouds gathering, and would be forced to make a very difficult personal decision (tasting some hell in the process) before real success would finally be attained.

Now all that might sound kinda funny and cryptic to you… but to a guy who (at that time) had money, but felt trapped by it, saw tons of possibilities but completely unable to make a definite decision on ONE of them, and was embroiled in multiple personal conflicts existing nowhere but in my own mind… well, let’s just say it hit a little too close to home.

Jason asked a similar question, to which the I Ching predicted success, happiness, daisys, and sugarplum fairies. Ok, maybe not the daisys and fairies, but I remember it as a pretty rosy outlook - especially when compared to my bittersweet raincloud of success.

Ain’t divination grand?

Our other tests were less notable, mostly because we weren’t quite sure what to ask next or how we should ask it. The business and financial questions were (at the time) the most pressing on our minds so we found little motivation to explore other areas.

Now that I know more about it, and my situation is changing, I’ll be experimenting more very soon.

When you get right down to it, all subjects of personal human interest boil down to 3 things: Money/Career (e.g. what you “do” in life and how well you do it), Health (how you feel), and Relationships (who you align yourself with and who you make enemies with). So any question you ask of the I Ching will probably have to do with one of those in some capacity.

As with most subjects, the I Ching can get more complex than what I’ve described here. It’s possible for the changes to be graphed and overlayed across a timeline of world history. When you do this, the I Ching has predicted many major world events, and even calls into play the infamous 2012 Mayan Calendar date many suppose to either be the end of an era (and beginning of a new one) in human history, the shifting of Earth’s magnetic poles, or… total doomsday and the end of life as we know it.

Maybe a combination of all three.

No one’s really sure about that one yet - though I have some ideas from my own research.

As for the I Ching itself… with the limited experiments Jason and I have done together, we can certainly say the whole subject warrants further exploration.

Go ahead, try it out with questions about your own life and let me know how it goes.

Here are some good resources to help:

YouTube video on The I Ching and the Mayan Calendar

Unhelpful, poorly done Wikipedia article on The I Ching (good for looking up the hexagrams though)

I Ching Hexagram Readings (in case you’d rather not buy the book… and I don’t blame you if you don’t)

Before Google…

Before peer-to-peer file sharing…

Even before “mp3″ was a household word.

It was a time when your computer’s specs actually meant something, and you fought valiantly for every spare K of speed your dial-up modem could grab.

People who “knew computers” commanded Emperor-like respect. The enterprising young gentleman who was so inclined could re-install some poor old lady’s Windows 95, charge ridiculous prices that’d make even The Devil blush… and she’d thank him for it and invite ‘em back for milk n’ cookies next month to do it all over again.

Get several marks (er, “customers”) droppin’ cash like that, and… who needs college?

It was a time of double-dealers and fast talkers who’d promise you the world on a paper cocktail napkin if you’d only throw them some sweet Venture Capital Lovin’.

And among all of this, I was there - standing at the forefront of technological progress, overlooking the Grand Utopian Vista that lay in front of us all.

Every week, you could read of new heroes developing new gadgets, raking in new fortunes. New new new.

Success was ripe for the picking, or… so we were told. With all the hype and “new economy” bullshit flying around, even the elite among us got swept off our feet a little more often than we’d care to admit nowadays. Jealousy.

Those of us who were there remember it all too well.

But…

…behind the mainstream facade, some played a different game.

While Silicon Valley cranked out new computers and new software, the warez scene of the 90’s snapped them up, oftentimes quicker than they could be released to the public, and churned out their OWN versions. Fast, and best of all, for free.

Groups with names like CLASS, Army of Darkness, Paradox, Siege, X-Force, Devotion, Paradigm, Divine, Origin, and Razor dominated the underground landscape. Each had their own specialization. Some competed, some worked together. Some hated each other’s guts.

All were some pretty brilliant people.

What these guys would do is take a new software release, “crack” it by removing the imbedded protection, decrypting the special key codes, or finding some other clever workaround… repackage it, and “release” it out to the community under their group’s name.

When you opened the package, it’d usually contain archive chunks of the software, a customized installer, and a few .nfo files, which contained information about the release, group news, and also breadcrumbs of what networks the package passed through before finally arriving into your hands.

Some people will tell you they did it to steal. No. They didn’t do it for money, or to “get back at The Man” or even for fame or respect. It was just… fun… and gave bright minds something interesting to snack on.

And when they traded, they traded like how kids trade baseball cards; they didn’t want to “use” the card, they just wanted to store it under protective plastic and show it off to their friends.

In fact, they didn’t even condone illegal use among themselves. Here’s a line from an old nfo (information) file I found from Siege [sic]:

“We do not maIl out misSing disks, nor  do we mail out any information reGarding public distribution sites cOntaining pirated software or cracks, nor Do we mail out information regarding the sale of pirated software on CD or DAT. We do NOT condone the sale of pirated software. Rather than fill some guppy’s pockets with funds he did not earn, support the software developers.”

The bottom line is, those of us who liked the game or software application, BOUGHT it after we played around with the warez version first. That’s how it worked. The logic is easy; why dedicate yourself to Photoshop or 3d Studio Max if you’re not sure you’re gonna like it or be good at it anyway? Ya can’t take graphics classes in high school (at least not those kind, and especially not back in the late 90’s and early 2000’s) and the “shareware” or demo versions were too lame to make a real decision.

Glory days aside, some of the things these guys said in their packages was downright hilarious and often included bits of insider conversation and references that no one but them could possibly understand:

Protection by FlexNET. Greetz fly out to all members and friends of team PDX - Team Paradox, still alive and kickin after 7 years of getting bitched at for being No 1!

WE DO NOT WANT OUR RELEASES THERE AT ALL! YOU ARE NOT SUPPORTiNG US iN ANY WAY iF YOU SPREAD OUR STUFF AROUND! ONLY GAY MOTHERFUCKERS DO THAT, WE SHiT ON YOU! OUR RELEASES ARE MENT FOR THE SCENE ONLY AND NOT FOR ALL YOU WAREZ HUNGRY FUCKERS!!!

a example how much scene suxx those days:

lame groups like zone / midnight / DWP are selling leeches and warez dvds and still none cares…even more they get supported by lame siteops for example sj the mdn leader got busted… haez the dwp leader busted… and also some zone members are busted cause of their selling and public warez activities sj was selling leeches on his sites… haez sell leeches over toppis dumps and also sell on organised way warez dvd on china streets

Hey, just because I said they were brilliant with computers doesn’t mean they were good communicators

Here’s a good one I found in a Paradigm release:

Good luck to Elijah who turned him self into the police today … I hope you learned your lesson about picking up pre-teens at the local mall. =)

One from X-Force, giving you an idea of the kinds of names these guys went by:

We would like to give a warm welcome to Werner & Tardy, the former PTG, GENESiS, and TDU-JAM leader; we also welcome back an old member, Luke, the super arcentine cracker, the best in the whole South America!

OUR DiAMONDS-4-EVER GREETiNGS MUST GO TO:

Stingray , Mach One , Ones Wally , Slain , Wildchild , BlackMagic , Wayward , The Riddler , Longshot , SWC , Dim, Blueyes, Winterhawk, Solar and the ones who deserve it …

One from Divine (signed by “Merlin”), demonstrating the rivalry:

We expected to release this game 2 or 3 days agoo. Unfortunatly razor managed to steal our suplier. So we immidiately ordered the game, knowing razor would never be able to rip it below the disk limit. We all saw the 94 disk release from that group called indor or razind or whatever the fuck they are called. They needed 2 days to produce that one while it only took us 2 hrs (1 hr and 45 mins of that used for playtesting)……

A special word to our friend jkowall: We told you not to believe everything you’re told. Most of the guys in this scene are full of shit. You deserve better!

Special group greetings go to our hero’s in razor: You guys are our gods! We bow in your presence….. NOT!

Merlin,
Divine Intervention….

And this one is my favorite of all:

Well, Bluewater said we couldn’t do it but Datakill proves him wrong and comes through with a tough crack for this game - Origin would like to send a special shoutout to our new Canadian Headquarters - Extra special greetz to Hoppermania who is presently paying the ultimate price for everything he did for the scene in the early 90’s. When you get outta the big house Hopper, look us up - your family hasn’t forgotten you!

Classic.

Anyway, what made a particular release so memorable wasn’t any of these things at all. No, what really glued all this stuff to my brain over the years is the extreme amount of TIME and ENERGY these guys put into creating their own customized MUSIC for each crack they put out there.

Because more often than not, each of the custom installers these guys made would play some song while they chugged away in the background.

And the song was always different. Some were pretty complex.

But they all had that certain indescribable “warez music” quality about them.

Here, see what I mean for yourself. Below, I’ve archived 5 of the old warez songs I got ahold of during my search. There’s more, but 5 is all my site would allow me to put in a single post:

Since I hunted all these down, I’ve started a little collection of these silly things. If you have any you could contribute, I’d love to hear ‘em.

Most of these guys may not be around anymore, and as for me… I left the “scene” many, many years ago and have seldom looked back - but warez music is certainly worth a tiny niche spot in our collective History of Early Computer Days.

I’m just doing my bit part to keep it alive.

Then - out of nowhere - he calls it quits.

What went wrong?

Since I’ve had some experience with this and since, obviously, I am a guy myself - here’s my take on the most common reasons this could happen toyou and how I believe they can be helped.

REASON #1

First of all, you need to get the idea out of your mind that “something went wrong.” This is because of the fundamental difference in how men and women think about commitment.

Women tend to get serious when they find the right man. But men… men tend to get serious with whomever they happen to be seeing when they’re finally ready to “settle down.”

It’s like a switch that goes off in their mind.

Some guys only feel comfortable with “settling down” after certain aspects of their life are in order. That could mean finishing school, reaching some important milestone in their business, owning a certain possession (like that car they always wanted or some awesome place to live), or when lots of their friends begin to get married - thus leaving them the “lone single guy” to fend for himself.

In other words, when there’s no one left to swap girl adventure stories with, when the fancy place and lots of money is secure, and when there are no more mountains left to climb… that is when a lot of guys feel “ready” for marriage or some other kind of long-term commitment.

The problem I see with these types of guys is their whole concept of “settling down” makes assumptions that don’t have to be true. They are reluctant to be with a woman long term because they’re “not done yet” with all the things they want to accomplish or don’t yet have the things they think will secure his life with this “final woman.” This is making the assumption that once they’re with this girl, they’ll never be able to do anything they really wanna do, ever again - like the girl will hold them back from their true desires. Part of it also makes the assumption things have to be “perfect” in some way to finally be “ready.”

Well, I can tell you… this concept of “settling down” comes from the mental programming of society, the movies, and TV. It is society’s reality, but it doesn’t have to be the man’s reality. If a man’s true desires would be thwarted by a particular woman, then she is certainly NOT the woman for him… and he should look elsewhere. And if he’s concerned about possessions, he probably doesn’t realize what most women really want is a man with ambition, a man who’s GOING somewhere and is SURE about his destination, and CONFIDENT about getting there… rather than the man who already has everything and is satisfied.

If you sense this thought might be floating around in YOUR guy’s mind, you need help him feel the freedom he desires and let him know it’s OK he’s not John Rockefeller yet - you’ll get there together, and help each other out. Contrary to what he believes, it’s far better to meet a woman while he’s climbing the ladder than to deal with all the gold-diggers later. The journey really is more fun than the destination - better he takes it with you, someone who knows him well. And besides, it truly is lonely at the top… and if that’s where he’s going, he’s gonna need all the company he can get.

In life, there’s seldom such a thing as being “ready.” Some of the best things that have happened to me in my life, I was never ready for. I wanted something, an opportunity came along, and ready or not, I reached out and seized it! That’s how it happens. If you wait for some big buildup of resources and experience before taking an action, you’ll be saving up for a rainy day that never comes.

REASON #2

Sometimes when a guy’s with a woman - even if he loves her - there’s still the tendency to think silently to himself, “Is this really as good as it gets?” or something like “I’ve done this well… Can I do better?”

Thinking like this leads him to instantly imagine what it would be like to be with any new attractive woman he meets - even if you’re standing right there beside him. No matter how great you are, this kind of man is wondering if the grass is greener on the other side of the fence.

He doesn’t want to feel like he’s “missing out.”

In addition to opportunistic tendencies, some guys feel compelled to put as many relationships under their belt as possible until they feel like they’ve experienced “enough” women - whatever that ends up being. Every guy’s definition of “enough” is different, so there could be a chance you’re not late enough on his list of differences he wants to experience.

In this kind of situation, the man wants one of two things:

1. He wants to experience enough women so he can feel confident about what he wants and does not want so he doesn’t make a mistake when finally committing to one woman.

or…

2. He wants to be able to say to himself and brag to other guys about the number of women he’s been with. He wants an ego boost and to validate himself, both in his own mind and in the minds of others. He wants to “have his fun first” before settling down (there’s that stupid phrase again.)

There’s not much you can do about the man in #1. This especially happens with younger guys, 18 to 24 or so. In my view, it’s a natural part of growing up and becoming a mature man who is sure of himself and what he wants out of life. Any guy forced to make a serious commitment decision before this time is going to have confidence problems and internal emotional issues that will plague him for the duration of your relationship. A lot of marriages happen too soon and quickly fall apart for this very reason.

The guy in #1 is OK in my book… he’s just still figuring things out. (unless, of course, he’s unusually old… then he has no excuse and is more likely a #2.)

It’s the man in #2 that has the real problems. Overcoming this kind of man’s objections is VERY difficult, mainly because the real issue here lies in his own maturity and desires that create conflicts of interest. Personally, I don’t think you should even TRY to overcome them with this guy; better to leave him before he ends up hurting you. Or, simply enjoy his company in a casual way, knowing full well what you’re involved with and prepare yourself for the consequences. This is a man who is not likely to mature for a very long time (or ever) because his struggles with validation run deeper than merely the two of you and other women. Possibly childhood stuff, or experiences in high school. As soon as this kind of guy gets the chance, he’s going to cheat on you and as soon as someone new comes along, he will leave you completely.

It’s not because he wants to hurt you or doesn’t love you… it’s just because he bases a lot of his self-worth on numbers of conquests. He feels worthless unless that number is ever increasing. Sometimes this comes from the perception that “everyone else is having more fun” than he is, or that “everyone else is more experienced” than he is or that by sleeping with someone new, he is somehow “making up for lost ground” that occurred at some point in his past. He’s spent years burning these ideas into his mind, they’ve damaged his thinking, and they’re not going away easily.

It’s not your job to solve this type of man’s problems. Go find someone else. There are better men out there.

REASON #3

There’s the time you chastise him for leaving a wet towel on the bed, to those nights you rip through an entire pint of Triple Fudge Ripple without stopping to breathe - these are the incidents men quietly file under a little mental folder labeled “Evidence She’ll Change For The Worse.”

And when something happens - when something big happens - he’ll flip through that mental file and use it against you to tip the scales in favor of a decision that would be harder to make otherwise.

Even if he’s crazy about you now, deep down lies two secret fears.

A fear that your cute little reminders will evolve into big, ugly, incessant nags.

And a fear that your occasional “comfort food” binge will lead to packing on the pounds and therefore no longer the sexy, exciting, energetic woman he came to know and love.

(And don’t you dare think for a minute that second one there is “shallow” or some other such thing. Excessive weight gain from too much bad food causes severe changes in personality, health, and mood. It isn’t just your figure he’s worried about, but your overall vibe permanently taking a plunge.)

So guys flag certain behaviors of yours as potential harbingers of bad things to come.

Guys also hear a lot from friends, movies, and society about how romance takes a total nosedive after they get serious with a girl.

This is another one of those things that may be the reality of other people, but does not have to be YOUR reality. Your reality is what you make it. I firmly believe that. I live by it every day.

Sure, things change. The very definition of life IS change. But commitment in a relationship should not be seen as some kind of “end game” where all bets are off and we can finally “relax”, let ourselves go, and begin a downward slide into oblivion.

We’re all going to change in life. The goal is just to make sure it’s good change - always for the better. Always improving.

REASON #4

A friend once told me, “I stayed with one woman for two years because we had fun together. She never pushed the issue, but I knew the minute I met her that she wasn’t The One.”

Ouch.

It’s entirely possible for a guy to love being with you, but not love you… at least not enough to commit all the way. There’s no guarantee what a guy feels will evolve into that kind of love.

So why would a guy invest so much in a relationship he knows will ultimately end?

This one comes down to a life philosophy that’s different than most. And that is the zen achieved by living in the moment and enjoying what we have NOW… being present right here, and not lost in our heads thinking about something else, or making life-altering decisions we’re not sure we can keep.

Life is about change. All relationships end. Some end in death, some before that. Life is short. There’s no reason to cut off what makes both of you happy now in favor of something else that does not yet exist.

Someone once told me, “Whether it’s 2 years or 20 years or my whole life: I’ll always be able to say it was a great 2 years, a great 20, or a great life. Any of those is better than no great time at all.”

And you know what? I think that person was right.

If this is your guy, then trying to “convince” him otherwise is missing the point entirely. Best not to fight him on it and if you don’t agree, then peacefully leave to find another guy who can love you as much as you love him.

REASON #5

This is a weird one.

Sometimes a guy can feel like he’s TOO attached to you, throwing his sense of masculine power, control, and confidence into jeopardy.

When this type of guy feels it coming on, he’ll launch a preemptive strike and break up with you first to “save himself” from the eventual pain he knows he will feel when you do it.

Crazy?

Well, not so fast. Think about how vulnerable and paranoid you feel when you’re nuts about a guy, and realize that sometimes we go through the same thing with girls we really like. Most guys’ friends aren’t as good at helping them get over an ex as yours are, and they also have this idea in their minds that being openly heartbroken makes them look like wusses. Instead, they think it’s better to act like a “winner” before you turn them into a “loser”, which is when his natural self-preservation may come into play. Before the real humiliation and pain infest him like a disease, ending the relationship seems like a good option.

This kind of guy has several problems in his head that have nothing to do with you or the situation at hand. It has to do with HIMSELF and what it means to him to be a man.

There is a big difference between a man WALLOWING in his emotions versus simply FEELING them.

COLLAPSE — THE “WUSSY” WAY

Wallowing, also known as “Collapsing” into our emotions, is the equivalent of emotionally curling up in a fetal position, indulging and self-pity, and LOSING OURSELVES in our emotional experience. If a man was wallowing, he would be saying, “Oh, this sucks so bad! I’ll never find a girl like her again! Oh, if only we could be together again, if only it worked out, I wish we were together right now, I’m SOO lonely…”

This is a great way to annoy the hell out of his friends, turn off women, and win awards for “wussiness.”

POSTURING - LESS WUSSY, BUT STILL WUSSY

Lots of guys recognize the weakness in wallowing and avoid it, for good reason. The only problem is, they tend to go OVERBOARD in the other direction by POSTURING.

Posturing involves suppressing, blocking off and diverting attention from uncomfortable emotions. We cut off from sadness or anger, act unaffected, and distract ourselves by moving on as soon as possible.

If a man were Posturing, he would be saying, “Ok, well, it’s her loss things didn’t work out. It wasn’t all that great anyway. NEXT! The bright side now is I am free to hook it up with whoever I want again. Let’s go out this weekend and run some GAME, yo!”

It’s a shallow way to play.

Neither of these seem to be particularly inspiring options, and it really begs the question, “How do we as badass, powerful men conduct ourselves with INTEGRITY during painful times of our life?”

THE NON-WUSSY MIDDLE PATH OF WALKING THE RAZOR’S EDGE

The most powerful way I’ve found to deal with emotions is to ALLOW THEM to move through me, without resisting or diverting them.

This isn’t easy, however. (That’s why I refer to it as walking the razor’s edge.)

A man’s ego will desperately attempt to distract him from the grieving process. So should he GIVE IN to this voice? NO! He should NOTICE it - this is his cue to GET PRESENT, and observe what is arising, without feeding it energy. He should bring attention to the sensations in his body, watch them, without trying to fix or change the experience.

And as he EMBRACES his experience, (yes, the one his ego wants to avoid at all costs) it inevitably changes, relaxing open from suffering, loneliness and a feeling of deprivation into an experience of deep peace, richness and ACCEPTANCE.

Then, of course, the voice in his mind (his ego) will hook him again, and he’ll go back to feeling closed, lonely and deprived. Once again, it’s time to bring awareness back to the NOW, back to the sensations in his body and the peace that comes with it. And back and forth he will go, moving between the thoughts in his head and the sensations in his body.

What’s encouraging is that as his Presence deepens, he finds he’s able to slowly but surely spend more and more time in his body instead of up in his head. And the more he does, the faster he heals and the clearer, deeper, and stronger he becomes.

Bringing Awareness like this is a MUCH more powerful way to deal with intense emotional experiences than wallowing in the experience, or Posturing. Why?

“The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain.”
- Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet

Joy and sorrow are 2 sides of the same coin. And if a man can accept that there’s a process our emotional body goes through, these experiences can make us STRONGER and DEEPER, with more confidence and self-acceptance as a man

Of course the other option is to buy into the “real men feel only happiness” wisdom of beer commercials, tough it out and develop an outer shell of impermeability about as warm as cuddling up to a bank vault door.

To those guys, I say, “I feel sorry for you.”

Anyway, these guys who want to break it off with you before you do have maturity and confidence issues. Just like the man in #2, it’s best to acknowledge what you’re dealing with and go from there. You can’t fix his problems, but if you care enough about him you can do things to give him the occasional ego boost.

In the end though, he’s probably right - you’re out of his league and he doesn’t deserve you.

Are you about to be dumped?
Look for these signs…

• He makes himself less available consistently
• He’s reluctant to make plans or commit to anything, even if it’s in the near future
• He’s meaner than usual. Passive-aggressive guys with confidence issues turn into whiners so that you break up with them instead
• He’s distant - he doesn’t want to feel connected to you - or he’s feeling connected with someone else. He might even be contemplating what life would be like without you, making sure of his thoughts before he makes any hasty decision

“THE CITY OF SAINT LOUIS SUMMONS YOU TO APPEAR FOR JURY DUTY ON SEPTEMBER 8TH, 2008 AT 8:00 AM AT THE CITY CIRCUIT COURTHOUSE AT 10 NORTH TUCKER BLVD. - BLAH BLAH BLAH… IGNORE THIS NOTICE AT YOUR PERIL…. BLAH BLAH BLAH… BETTER BRING SOMETHING TO READ IF YOU KNOW WHAT’S GOOD FOR YOU… BLAH BLAH BLAH…”

Excuse me? Monday? 8 in the morning? And you’ll pay me how much? $12 a day, you say?

Omigod, I’m so there.

Actually that’s not true. About the pay, I mean. You see, $12 per day is only for the saps - the guys who just sit around all day and never called. But if you’re chosen from the sea of misfits to be on an actual jury… you get a whopping 50% pay-raise. Boo-yah! Now let’s see, that comes to…

$18 a day to decide the life-long fate of our fellow man!

Seems fair enough.

So I wake up Monday morning to my obnoxiously loud bell alarm clock, grab a quick bite to eat, and I’m off to St. Louis Circuit Court for the very first time (with book in hand, of course, per their suggestion. Mine was “Breakthrough Advertising” by Eugene Schwartz.)

They direct us to park in the nearby stadium arena. I grab the first spot I see, and take the shuttle down to the courthouse. I feel particularly pale among the other faces with me on the bus. But after living in St Louis over a year now, I’m more than used to it. Comfortable, even.

Entering the unusually gigantic courthouse reminded me of how Greeks must’ve felt after building a temple to Athena. Surrounding me were towering columns, majestic tablets with mysterious Latin inscriptions, and…

…Metal detectors.

Wearing jeans and a polo, I emptied my pockets and walked though onward to the jury calling room where they called out our numbers 20 or 30 at a time, to go to an upstairs for consideration on a trial.

There must’ve been hundreds of us in there, seated 10 to a row with devil only knows how many rows in all. They gave us little booklets to read about how awesomely cool jury duty is and how proud we should feel to be there, called out among the muck of our fellow citizens to do our duty for mankind.

Hell, if I’d sat there too many more times watching that video loop around, I’d might actually begin to believe it all.

Instead, I dozed off where I sat. Slumber the night before had never truly greeted me.

FIVE HOURS LATER I jolted awake. Did they just call my number? I don’t know. Maybe. I looked down at my tag: 400-something. Yep, that was me.

We take the stairs down, down, …down to the basement. Then up - up the elevator to the long hallway just outside some courtrooms; 4 of them to a floor, all connected by the same humongous hallway; a long wooden bench dividing the camps into north and south, reminding me of old Matlock episodes.

And there we waited yet again. All of us perfect strangers, bound together only by this common thread. Some of us old, short, young, fat, thin. Black. White. Two cute girls. Many ugly men. And then me.

It wasn’t long before the bailiff called us. We marched in, sat down in the pews. Nervous silence. And then…

BZZZZZZZT!

“All rise!” (we jolted up with a start as the bailiff mumbled something incomprehensible, as I’m sure he’s said it thousands of times) “…the honorable John J. Riley presiding.”

The judge sombers in with